Sometimes I am glad ...

... that I do not practice law in South Texas! This week there are two pretty big trials that are going on in South Texas. One thing that you learn as a lawyer is that it is almost impossible to give a good quote to the media, so you should always write it down. You have to assume that the media is not going to get what you say right or is going to take what you say out of context. Even the best attorneys can come up with pretty funny quotes when they speak instead of issue a written statement. Here are some of my favorites this week:

One of the cases in South Texas involves a federal judge who was charged with sexual assault or sexual abuse or something along those lines, and was convicted of obstruction of justice because of some lies he told investigators. Apparently, one of the accusers was someone that this judge had an affair with over a number of years, but the judges, when questioned by the investigator, did not inform the investigator of the long term affair. His lawyer offered this quote in defense of his client's actions: "Through the ages, it's been recognized that the proper course of conduct for a gentleman or a lady is to not discuss the affair of the heart," DeGuerin said. "It's no more than that."

The second case is of a guy who was charged with multiple counts of impersonating an attorney and a peace officer. Mr. Celis would travel all over the place signing up plaintiffs for attorneys when something tragic would happen. As part of this sham, he ran a law firm (which is not permitted for a non-lawyer to do) and would conduct the initial meetings/telephone calls with clients in order to sign them up for his firm. In fact, between 2004-2008, he received over $10 million in activity that can be called impersonating an attorney. He was found guilty on fourteen counts (most of which were felonies I believe) and his trial is currently in the sentencing phase. He awaits trial number two for money laundering, which needed an underlying criminal conviction or activity before being able to proceed. His lawyer offered two great quotes yesterday afternoon.

In the first quote, as soon as the jury came back with the convictions but before the sentencing phase began, his attorney announces "Mr. Celis intends to appeal the verdict." Let's just say that I would never say that prior to sentencing because (1) I do not want to make the person who is sentencing my client mad, and (2) why state the obvious. Everyone knows you are going to appeal. It is inevitable when you have a client that is paying an astronomical amount of attorney's fees already.

In the second quote, speaking about potential sentences, the attorney said, "Probation is the only logical outcome of the verdict." What? Are you kidding me? Unless I read that incorrectly, your client was just convicted of fourteen counts of something that the state considers a crime. Each individual count carries two to ten years of time, although you do get the benefit of it running concurrently. I am pretty sure that if you have fourteen counts of a crime with each carrying two to ten years, you are going to be spending at least two years in jail. Plus, why would you appeal probation? Oh, that is right. Because the conviction for the fourteen things your client did wrong forms the basis of the money laundering trial that is coming up. Still, probation?