Prison

One thing that hit me today as I read a letter from prison quoting Paul who wrote the verse quoted while in prison was that we benefited from Paul's imprisonment. If it were not for the imprisonments that Paul experienced, he probably would not have slowed down long enough to write letters. Paul was able to devote the time to writing letters because he had time on his hands. He was not preparing for the next sermon or dealing with church issues, but was able to devote time to the letters and to conversation with those around him at the jail. I am sure that I have heard this before in sermons, but it is something that seems to be more clear to me today.

One thing that prison gives a person time to do is think. One of the things that I think some of my boys needed was time to think. In the past when they have started thinking, they have done things to try to push out the thoughts. Although some of those things are still around in prison, they seem to be concentrating on good time more than trying to dull any pain. One of the brothers of both Guy and James are in jail right now. I heard from both this week. Their letters have a much different tone than the boys I saw before they went to jail. One thing I noticed in both - hope. They have thought about the future, and are planning for it. I think that one of them is finally ready to leave the old life completely behind. I pray that he continues toward his goals. I know that I am grateful for the words I have read this week. I am also glad that they know that there is still someone who has hope for them as well. I love my boys!

Something Changed

The biggest change I think I have experienced between Guy's murder and James' murder - I don't even care who the shooter(s) is/are or whether they are ultimately tried for the crime. It is sometimes easier to not know and not put a face on the killer. I have barely given the shooter(s) any thought except to think about how I am not thinking about them this time.

I remember telling my pastor this summer that sometimes when a family learns who committed the murder, it is more difficult to deal with the death. When a family in our church learned who the murder was of their family members, that was proven true for them. It was true for me when Guy was murdered. I hope I never learn who did it to James because of the extra layer of emotions that it causes. His death is hard enough to deal with without knowing.

Six Flags 2002

If there was one day I wish I could have captured on video so that I could watch it over and over again, it would be the day that the Center kids went to Six Flags in 2002. I remember bits and pieces of that day. I ended up with a group of four boys - I always get along with the boys better. One in my group was too short to ride many of the rides. I noticed his pouty-ness and decided I would not ride the ride if he could not ride it. I spent a lot of time with him that day. I also made the rule that we had to alternate rides between the ones he could ride and the ones he could not. My reward was some hand holding and lots of smiles. He was my buddy that day. My little sidekick. He was one sweet little boy.

Later the younger kids went back to the Center and I volunteered to stay with the teens. I assumed the older kids would not want me around. I was wrong. When they saw me they asked where I had been, and forced me to walk around riding rides with them. I say forced - I am sure I was easy to convince. One of the boys made me sit on the outside of him on a spinning ride. This resulted in him being pressed up against me for the entire ride. Another boy kept saying he felt like he was going to be sick causing me and my ride partner to laugh so hard we were almost crying. We got along that night. We were friends.

Now both of my ride buddies are gone. I said goodbye to the teenager - Guy - almost three and a half years ago. My short boy grew up - taller than me, but did not get to become a man. I will be saying goodbye to James this weekend. There is one day in my memory that unites them and it was that day at Six Flags. Sure, I remember them being around me together at other times, but this day was a special day. I am thankful for the precious memories. I am thankful for that day at Six Flags nine years ago. For the moment, it feels like it was yesterday.

Countdown to 30: Day 1

Tomorrow I turn 30. Today I am still in my 20s. I am going to write today about one of my best decisions that I made in my first 30 years of life in one of the moments of extreme difficulty.

I got the phone call that Guy had been shot and killed at 5:24 p.m. on August 17, 2008. He had died approximately 30 minutes before I received the call. It is weird how you can remember dates and times like that sometimes. I also remember exactly where I was when he was shot and killed (and what I was thinking/praying about at the time) even though I did not know the shooting was occurring at that time. I remember exactly where I was at when I received the phone call - approximately 1 mile from the Turkey Creek and Meeker exit on I-49. I had just seen the exit sign when my phone rang. I basically had less than a mile to make one of the most important decisions of my life. I had to decide whether to turn around and go straight back.

I was prepared to make the decision. I do not think that I even considered continuing home at that time. I had already been through the hurricane with my kids. I had already missed one funeral. I had spent a week just being a sister to Birdie. Ironically, I had packed extra clothes to last through the weekend just in case - that was my thought as I packed them, although I did not have any clue what the "just in case" would be. There was no question that I was heading right back to New Orleans that night.

Many people have come and gone out of the lives of the kids at the Center. Everyone knows that it happens. The kids have gotten used to it. Although people promise to come back, and even make a few trips, eventually life happens and separates the kids from those whom they love. It seems inevitable. I think that the kids used to worry that I would do the same thing. Sure, I went in 2001 and 2002 and 2003 and 2004, but would I come back after the hurricane? I surprised the kids by remaining faithful to come see them. I had been away for over a year when I went in that week in April, but I also knew as I left that I could not possibly stay away that long again. When Guy's murder happened, I am sure that almost everyone would have understood if I did not turn around. I had to work the next day. It was not safe for me to go back when the boys were being targeted. It hurts too much to continue in this type of ministry. Almost everyone would have understood if I did not go back, and if I did not go to the funeral, and if I cancelled any future trips.

Galatians 6:9-10 says "And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith." I heard the versions mentioned in a sermon about a week and a half after Guy's death. I realized then that those verses were the reason I turned around that day, even if I was not thinking of those verses. I believe that God has a plan for the kids that I have invested so many years building relationships with. I believe that God has a plan for the Center and for each child that goes through the Center. I believe that I was able to convince more people of my love for them by going back that night. My actions spoke louder than any other words I had spoken to them in the previous seven years to that point. Yes, most of them would have understood if I did not come back, but I would have lost something in my relationships with them. I knew that there was a brother who needed me, but would never call me to let me know. It was up to me to be there because now he knows to call me and tell me he needs me. I would not trade in that type of relationship for anything. There is another boy who is currently sitting in a jail cell. I pray that God will remind him of His love because that boy knows I love him since I came back that night. It is easy to say I love you but harder to prove it. He knows I do, and I pray that it will lead him to God's love someday.

I cannot give up on the kids in New Orleans. God promises that we will reap if we continue to do good. I think that too often, we give up too easily. We want an instant reaping, but like growing a crop, it takes time for the seeds to grow. Weeds spring up fast and die quickly, but the fruit-bearing crop takes time. I do not know what God's plan is for the boys I love. I do know that if I had made the wrong decision that day in that split second when the decision was made that I would have missed out on one of the biggest blessings of my life - sharing in the day of little guy's birth! Ironically, I received the phone call that he had been born as I was less than one mile from the Turkey Creek and Meeker exit on I-49. Plus, his daddy had learned his lesson and called me because he needed me that day so I could share in his joy. I feel like I made a huge decision that day, which is strange because it was made without thinking about the consequences one way or the other. It was made without any thought of my own safety or potential heartache or really without any thoughts of myself at all. I am sure that the decision did not make sense to a lot of people, but often God causes us to make decisions that do not make sense so that He is glorified. I believe that God was glorified more by that decision than any other choice that I have made because His love was on display for all to see - both in New Orleans and outside. I just pray that God will continue to be glorified in my love for my kids and their kids for years to come!

Countdown to 30: Day 2

I am having to learn about forgiveness because of Guy's death. When I arrived back in New Orleans the night it happened, I was informed that one of the suspects was a boy who used to go to the Center. At one time I was very close to this boy and his brothers. Their picture was out for all to see at my house. My photo albums were filled with pictures of this boy. I would consider myself closer to him when he was a kid than to Guy. I did not know that this boy was even back in New Orleans.

It is hard enough to deal with the death of a friend. It is even harder when the death is a murder and the friend is so young. It becomes almost impossible when you are faced with the possibility that someone you know and love could be responsible for the murder of someone else you know and love. I am not even sure that I can begin to put it into words. One thing that I did know was that I would have to forgive this boy even if I never know whether or not he participated in the drive by shooting or took the shot that killed Guy. I do not know if I will ever see the boy again (it has been about three or four years since I have seen him I think), but if I do, I will have to show the love of God to him. Anger and bitterness are not going to do either one of us any good.

I am often in the neighborhood where the boy stays. I admit that I am often looking for him. Part of me wants to see him just to see how I would react. Part of me wants to avoid him. I can look at his pictures now. Maybe that is just a tiny step towards forgiveness. I remind myself that the sin he committed against Guy and Guy's family and friends is so small and insignificant compared to the sin that I commit against a holy and righteous God. It helps to put the sin in perspective that way when working through forgiveness.

Countdown to 30: Day 3

The press coverage following Guy's murder was something that I do not think I was prepared to deal with. On the one hand, I was glad that his murder was being covered because he was a name instead of a number, he had a family, and a community was grieving. On the other hand, it was difficult to read the inaccuracies in the stories, the wrong assumptions, and to see that the police were pursuing the wrong suspect. The continued coverage of his death seemed to make his murder mean something, but it also made it hard to deal with because the story seemed to be everywhere. Some of the facts in the story made it hard to read (such as his arrest for drugs) because although they were true, they made society view him as someone who had it coming to him instead of making society see that there were friends and family members who loved him and were in pain. The arrest of the initial suspect several weeks later meant that the story was in the newspapers again, even though the initial suspect was no longer a suspect in Guy's murder. Later that year came the TV specials on crime in New Orleans and the high school that he attended, and it was like picking at a scar until it bleeds again.

The news coverage following Guy's death has taught me some important lessons. First, do not believe everything that you read in a newspaper. I know that everyone knows that, but people need to be reminded of that when they read about murders and other crimes. Chances are the story is not 100% accurate, so do not convict someone of a crime in your head just because of what a newspaper story says about the crime. Second, even alleged criminals' families grieve when choices that the person makes leads to their death. One of the hardest things to hear was that the city was better off without someone like Guy on the streets. Even if society as a whole has a valid point, that does not bring comfort to the family and friends who miss the side that society did not see. I now read the newspaper stories with sympathy for the families and friends instead of just indifference towards the victim. Third, it is hard to grieve when there is media attention. I only experienced this on a small scale, and of course it was easier being in Texarkana where people did not hear about it unless I told them. I cannot imagine how hard it must be for families of the victims of 9/11 or even the killings that happened in Ft. Hood last week. I know that it was hard for me because I wanted to read and watch and see all of the media accounts, but it was painful to read and watch and see. I do not know if it is easier to deal with death privately, or if it is just the nature of Guy's death that has made everything so difficult. Finally, there are just some things that cannot be conveyed by the media. People may get a glimpse of what the family is going through, but they really have no idea.

Countdown to 30: Day 4

Sometimes God prepares us for what is about to happen. It may not take the shock completely away, but it still may help. This is one of the toughest, yet most comforting lessons I have learned in my first 30 years.

In April 2008, I made my first trip to New Orleans in over a year. I went primarily to see Birdie, but I was happy to see everyone. One Tuesday which was usually boy's night, I was catching up with Malcolm when Guy called Malcolm to give him a ride home. I said they could use my car, but I was riding along too. When we picked Guy up, I said, and not jokingly, that he was acting as if someone was going to shoot at him while walking up to my car. Unnerving to say the least. When we dropped him off, he thanked me, and I told him he was welcome to a ride anytime. He said, "no, thank you for everything." I remember telling Jennifer that he acted like he was about to die. It bothered me.

The next day was Guy's birthday and he stopped by the Center. I wasn't used to him stopping by just to hang out, but he stayed talking with me and some others for around an hour. Again I could not help but think he was acting like someone who thought he was about to die. I also felt like he had just seen his last birthday. That day was one of the best days I have had in New Orleans since the hurricane, and I am glad God gave me that day.

I was leaving to go home on April 17. Birdie needed a ride so I dropped him off at a friend's house right before I was to leave. Guy was there. Guy told me bye. Guy never said goodbye - ever. I could not bring myself to tell him bye because there was an overwhelming feeling that this was the last time I would see him alive. I even told Jennifer that I was afraid the next time I would come in would be for his funeral. I even told Birdie I was worried about Guy. I started home about 2. Guy was shot and killed around 5. I received the phone call at 5:24.

Although there was plenty of shock, I believe that God was preparing us for what was about to happen. It did not make the hurt less although it may have made the hurt bearable. There was comfort in knowing that God sometimes gives us warnings so that we can bear what is coming. I as the outsider coming in noticed the way Guy was acting more than those close to him probably would have. I am just glad I had time with Guy that week and with everyone else.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Countdown to 30: Day 8

I have been going to Carver Baptist Center in New Orleans for eight years, and, as anyone who has known me for any length of time or has been to my office to see the pictures everywhere (or has read this series), there is a particular relationship that has meant more to me than probably any other friendship in my life. Of course I am talking about my boy, Birdie.

The funny thing about Birdie is that I do not remember meeting him. I am not even sure that he remembers meeting me. I do know that the second spring break that our college group went to the Center in 2002, he and his cousin were locked out of the house accidentally and were asleep on one of the couches downstairs when we arrived. I do not remember that, but he does. I even have a picture or two from that trip where you can see him in the background, but I do not think that I talked to him or knew who he was at that point. When I went back that summer for the month of July, we started getting close. In fact it was nothing unusual for me to have Birdie, Malcolm and Fred with me going everywhere. Plus Birdie was responsible for watching his nephew Coy who was almost two at the time, which meant that I watched Coy while Birdie played basketball.

We really started to click in 2003. Birdie got himself into some minor trouble while on an outing with the missionary at the Center. I noticed tension between the two, so I put extra effort that week into spending time with Birdie. He went everywhere with me (except the beach - he was temporarily banned from Center activities), and I played basketball with him for hours (resulting in a purple - yes purple - sunburn that made him concerned enough to stop the game and make me go inside to cool off and down a ton of water). I literally tortured him to make him tell me what he had done to get into trouble. I think I may have locked him in a room (favorite tactic of mine with the kids) and grilled him continuously for half a day before he revealed what he had done. Instead of instantly lecturing him, I acted completely out of character and told him I was proud of him for telling me himself instead of waiting until someone else told me. The lecture came later in the form of a very long letter that I sent to him and that he actually read and remembers to this day. From that point forward, there was no way to convince either one of us that we were not brother and sister, although he still didn't like for me to hug him in front of friends.

The dislike of public hugging went out the window in 2005 with Katrina hitting. As soon as I saw him the first time after Katrina, I received one of the biggest hugs, and in front of his whole family, that I think I have ever received from Birdie. Katrina is also when his mother started claiming me as her other daughter and his siblings started calling me their white sister. I became part of the extended family during that time, and I think that quite a few members of his extended family still claim me today. Our relationship had a strange period during 2006 and 2007 because I knew he was doing things he should not be doing, but I was still loving on my little brother. Plus he was arrested, and I had to lecture him. I lectured him on the phone. I lectured him in person. I lectured him over the phone some more. He did not seem to be listening, and I was frustrated. 2007 ended up being a year when I could only make one trip to New Orleans in the spring, and I actually went over a year without seeing him. I am not sure how I ever survived that long!

In January 2008, one of Birdie's good friends was shot and killed. Fortunately Birdie was not at the scene that night, although I do not think that he sees it that way. When I found out about it, I procrastinated in calling Birdie because I did not know how to deal with things like that over the phone, and I knew I could not make it down there to see him in person to go to the funeral. On the morning of the funeral, I sent him a text message to let him know I was thinking about him (cowardly, I know!), and soon my phone was ringing. It was so good to hear his voice on the other end, but I was glad I did not contact him earlier or my butt would have been driving to New Orleans! I had no idea that I would have my chance to be there for him after the death of a friend just a few months later. All I knew as I hung up is that I loved that kid and I had to see him soon.

Soon did not come soon enough. New Orleans has this cool website where you can follow court dates of those awaiting trial, and I knew he had a trial date coming up. I knew I wanted to be there for him for his trial date, so I kept up with it. It kept getting pushed, but finally a date was set for April 15. I called his sister (because he did not return my call) to find out if it was set to go, and I found out that his family knew nothing about the date coming up. Nice. Soon he was on the phone with me telling me that I did not have to come, but I had to be there. I got in on the Monday night before his trial on Tuesday. I went to see him not long after getting in and seeing him that night I knew that I could not go a year without seeing him again. The trial date was continued (of course!), but I met his lawyer and we exchanged contact information so that the trial could be scheduled at a time I could go. I spent the rest of my time in New Orleans hanging out with him and the other kids. Birdie and I had many good conversations that week, and I was able to leave him on Thursday knowing I would see him in a month.

The call came as I was about halfway home that Thursday. Guy had been shot and killed. I had seen him about three hours before the call when I was saying bye to Birdie. Without being told, I knew Birdie had been there this time. I sent him a text to let him know I was on my way back, but I could not call him. He would not want to talk at that point anyway. I spent quite a bit of time with him the next few days, although it was not enough for me. I do not think our friendship would have been the same if I did not turn back that day. However, that is a story for another day.

I did go in for the trial. I also went in for the birth of his baby boy. I went in a few weeks before the birth of the baby so that he could have one last weekend all about him instead of the baby. I used to kid him that the baby would replace him as my boy once the baby was born, but instead it has made us closer. I love my little guy, but his daddy still has that special place in my heart! Birdie loves to watch me spoil little guy, and I love to watch him being a daddy. We have talked about the gospel many times, and I am convinced of Birdie's salvation even though he struggles with some serious sins. My friendship with Birdie has taught us both about Prov. 17:17: A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. We have been there for each other during the death of a friend and the aftermath of Katrina. He has been there for me when I almost passed out in a hospital. I have been there for him during a trial and the birth of his child. We both have loved unconditionally. It is a friendship that will continue throughout eternity, but is a little piece of heaven on earth. I love my baby brother!

2008: God of this City

It seems like that for the past few years, there are certain songs that stand out almost as my theme song for the year. In 2005 and 2006, it was Casting Crowns "Praise You in This Storm" because of Hurricane Katrina.


In 2007, it was the classic hymn "It is Well" because of deaths that occurred that year. It is a great testimony to God's love and the hope that we have in Him when we are able to say, in the midst of crisis, that it is well.

2008 was an interesting year for me personally. In 2007, I had paid little attention to the people in New Orleans that I had come to love so much because I had things going on at home that prevented me from going to New Orleans for at least two trips that I had tentatively planned. In fact, 2008 started the same way. I didn't make it to New Orleans when one of the boys was murdered. However, I finally took time to go in April and I am so glad that I did. Although I was never really close to Guy, his murder really is the thing that I think will always stick out about 2008. I am so glad that I had just been to New Orleans and had just seen him when it happened. My relationship with so many people in New Orleans has forever been changed by this event. Other things happened as well, but this seems to be the one event where I could have easily decided to quit doing what I was doing and give up. Instead, there was a song that kept playing over and over in my mind. In fact, the morning after Guy died, I went out and bought the CD that had this song on it, and I played that song over and over again reminding myself of God's promises. Here is my song of 2008:

Chris Tomlin's "God of this City" is one of those songs that is a musical reminder of these verses in Galatians 6:9-10: "And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith." (ESV) This year I have had a chance to continue to do good to those who are of the household of faith. In the process, I have had the opportunity to share the gospel with others. Through it all, I have grown as a person. "Greater things have yet to come, and greater things are still to be done in this city."

Gervais Nicholas - died 01/12/2008


Guy McEwen - died 04/17/2008

The Happiest Days are Days Babies Are Born

Verchaun Guy was born on November 30, 2008 at 2:25 p.m. I received a nervous/excited phone call from his daddy at 2:00 p.m. informing me that the baby was about to be born, so I hopped in the car to head to New Orleans. He was 5 lbs. 14 oz. and 19 inches long. I walked into the room and had him in my arms within seconds (of course!). His proud daddy stole him away a few minutes later though :).




His proud daddy gave him back a few minutes after taking him from me too! I think his daddy really wanted pictures - especially since he even smiled in the picture.

We had to try to wake Verchaun Guy up in order to feed him. Let's just say that Verchaun Guy was very stubborn and would not wake up! Here is video of us trying.



We tried everything we could think of, but he would not open his eyes until there was no light in the room other than the light coming from the TV. Here is him seeing me for the first time.



His daddy was so cute telling him, "This is Miss Cyndia!" I am sure that he is going to be seeing a lot of me. I will also be teaching him to call me Dia instead of Miss Cyndia, but I guess it is habit for his daddy after 7 years.

After an hour and a half of trying, he finally had eaten 25 ml and been burped twice, but he still proceeded to throw up all over me with his daddy gagging in the chair beside me. I am sure that won't be the last time he throws up on me! I guess he just was not hungry. Or it could be because his daddy discovered he could hold him with one arm and swing him a little.



We talked a little bit about Guy on Sunday, which is where Verchaun's middle name came from. It reminded me of the verses in Job that say, "And he said, 'Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord.'" (Job 1:21, ESV) This baby is truly a gift from God during a year when it seems that the Lord has taken away so much. Babies are a reminder that there is hope and that life continues to go on.

More on Guy

Well, I just got back from New Orleans, and actually drove back on the seven month anniversary of Guy's death. That ended up being harder than I thought (especially since the thought had not crossed my mind that it would be hard). While in New Orleans, I was informed that there are several television programs coming up that mention Guy's murder. It is odd to me that his death has made national news - not only do I know someone who was murdered, but it is a high profile murder. It just seems strange to me. The whole thing is strange to me. Anyway, here are the two national news/documentaries that will be mentioning the murder and showing footage of members of his family, the funeral, and other things.

National Geographic Channel -- Inside New Orleans High. I vaguely remember the kids mentioning that people at Cohen had been given cameras to record for a TV show. Apparently this is the show they recorded for. Cohen is where most of the kids at the Center went before Katrina, and most have dropped out of after because of the violence. I believe that this is the show that will have one of his cousins interviewed and show some of the funeral or at least leaving the church. I am not positive though. I just know that a show on National Geographic included clips about Guy's murder and interviewed his cousin Marvin who is now in jail.

CNN -- Crime Fighters in New Orleans. This TV special actually mentions Guy by name in the description, so it will have something on the murder. It is coming up this weekend on CNN. Again, it is very strange to me that Guy's murder is so high profile that documentaries and news features about New Orleans crime mention him.

Anyway, I thought I would pass the information along in case you want to see what my kids in New Orleans go through on a daily basis. I am hopeful that the Inside New Orleans High will at least present the picture of why we prefer our kids to drop out of school instead of finish at Cohen - something I never thought I would say.

David Bonds, Poster Child

I decided to wait until today to write this New Orleans blog. It seems that David Bonds has become the new poster child of everything that is wrong with the young black males in New Orleans. His list of faults seems to be the typical list for most that are arrested, and this young man has become the symbol of them all.

I first heard the name David Bonds in connection with the murder of Dinneral Shavers. Dinneral was murdered in December 2006, and the shots were meant for his stepson and Guy McEwen. Dinneral is the first person that I can remember knowing who has been murdered. That was tough itself, but to know that the shots were meant for the kids was even tougher. I had to realize at that point that it was just a matter of time before one of the bullets meant for the kids would hit one of them.

When David was arrested, I looked him up on the OPCSO website because part of me just had to know what he looked like. If you go to OPCSO's website, you can look up the mugshots of those who are currently in jail and the court dates of those who are charged. I just had to put a face to the name so that I could humanize him a bit. After all, it was not just the life of the family of Dinneral that lost someone that day. David Bonds family lost their son that day as well.

Dinneral's murder resulted in a lot of press because he was a member of a popular band and was part of the band program at one of the local high schools. It seemed that for months following the murder, the newspaper ran an article a week (at least) on something that included his name. Dinneral came to represent everything good and Bonds to represent everything evil. Then the unimaginable happened. Bonds was released because the witness that identified Bonds originally backed out, so the prosecutors decided not to pursue the case. Bonds took on a new role of representing everything that is wrong with the system as well. Eventually, through a new grand jury proceeding I believe, Bonds was reindicted and the case continued to trial. Of course, all of this was hashed out in the newspaper and in protest speeches so that the name of Bonds and Dinneral remained ever present in the public eye.

In early April of this year, Bonds finally was put on trial. In what turned out to be a circus of a trial with one juror having to be disqualified because he (or she) saw Bonds make a gun symbol with his fingers as one of the teenage witnesses took the stand and the public defender representing Bonds threatening another witness that the public defender's office would not represent him in his criminal charges should he testify against Bonds, the jury acquitted Bonds 11-1. Guy was a witness at the trial since part of what Bonds was being tried for was his attempted murder. The press reported heavily on the trial (including showing pictures of Guy and maybe even stating his name on one of the news stations), and the public was outraged at the not guilty verdict. During the trial, Bonds sad story of being a drug dealer and having a mother that allowed him to go into foster care around the time of the hurricane came out. Soon it was apparent that this boy's story was too typical of others young black males in New Orleans.

In what can only be described as strange timing, Guy's murder happened only a week and a half after he testified at Bonds' trial. It is well known in New Orleans that you do not testify against someone or you will be retaliated against. Guy did not really testify against Bonds because he stated on the stand that he could not identify the shooter, but that did not matter to the press. Bonds' name was back in the headlines, even making national news pages such as Fox News since Guy had been a reluctant witness at Bonds' trial. It was difficult to see the press blaming Bonds when we knew that Bonds did not kill Guy or even have him killed. In some weird way, it almost would have been easier if it had been Bonds because then it would have made some sort of sense. But it was not. And the fact that the press blamed Bonds did not help. I still think that the New Orleans police and prosecutors would like to find a way to blame Guy's death on Bonds, but he did not do it. Yet, here his name was in the paper again with reference to all that is wrong in the city and with the system.

In early May, Bonds' name ended up in the paper again, this time wanted for attempted murder. Reading the article you would have thought that he was wanted for killing Guy instead of attempted murder. Two paragraphs were devoted to the story on the attempted murder, and the rest of the story dealt with Dinneral's murder, the trial, Guy's murder, and the funeral. Soon they caught Bonds, and his face was back in the paper being transported back to jail. Guy's name was still in the articles. Most murders are numbers, but it seems that Guy and Dinneral's became symbols to the newspaper.

Now, Bonds is the poster child of everything that is wrong. He is being made an example of even in the judicial process. He is accused of attempted murder for shooting someone in the stomach. There are two witnesses that positively identified him as the shooter (wonder how they will testify at trial). Right now it looks like he is charged with second degree murder. The magistrate judge made Bonds an example by setting his bond at $750,000. The district judge further sent a message by upping the bond to $1 million, I think for no other reason than to make sure it was reported in the press. As comparison, another person that I know in New Orleans that is charged with second degree murder (but did not hit any victims) is being held for a $50,000 bond. Also, when he was originally indicted for the murder of Dinneral and attempted murder of the other three in the car, his initial bond was $550,000 (at reindictment in August 2007, that amount went up to $2.5 million).

I think that it is unfair to this young man to make him the poster child of everything that has gone wrong. First, I think that all of the attention is going to affect his right to a fair trial. Do not misunderstand me -- I hope that he goes to jail and for a long time. I just think it is unfair for him to go to jail for a crime that he did not commit (Guy's murder) and a crime of which he has been acquitted (Dinneral's murder). That is the way that our justice system is supposed to work. Evidentally there was reasonable doubt in at least one juror's mind. I wish that juror did not feel that way, but that is the way that the jury system works. Second, none of the newspaper articles seem to be addressing the fact that a solution to this problem does not lie in governmental programs or even the justice system. People need to invest in the lives of these boys before they take up guns and start shooting. Investing does not guarantee that the boy will turn out alright. However, investing in the lives of these boys may enable a few of them to turn out ok instead of leaving them to run loose like Bonds. Third, this boy does have a family and I am sure that family is hurting right now. It sounds like his mother has issues and that his father is absent, but there are probably people that love this boy that are having to see him represented as the poster child for everything bad in New Orleans society. I am sure that hurts. To someone, he probably was a good kid. To someone, he may have been a loving son/nephew/grandson. We need to remember that these people are human and hopefully are loved by someone.

There is a war going on in inner city America and there are many young black males that are going down as casualties of that war. Bonds is a casualty in that war. Most of us just turns our heads and ignore the war, or say things like "At least they are killing each other." More of us need to join in the fight. More of us in the church need to pay attention to the war, even if it is outside of your community. It is a war where it is worth it to win the battle in at least one life. It is a war that is guaranteed to hurt you at some point if you decide to join the battle because you will watch someone you love become a casualty or die in the war if you invest enough time in it. Bonds may represent all that is going wrong in the inner city, but he also represents all that is wrong in our attitude towards the inner city.

Chasing Rabbits

I am sure that I will end up chasing a few rabbits as this blog continues (in the figurative sense), but part of this blog is about literal chasing of rabbits.  This past weekend was one month since Guy was murdered.  What a strange month it has been for me.  One thing that has bothered me since the funeral is the fact that the funeral was not as much about Guy as it was about the way that he died.  Almost all of the non-family speakers used the time as an opportunity to talk about why violence needs to stop, and hardly any time talking about Guy.  The main speaker did not make her message about Guy.  It was almost like there was no funeral for Guy,but too much of a political speech to an audience that was probably less than receptive (even though some of them probably needed to hear what was said) and in a venue that was inappropriate (in my opinion).  Therefore, I want to share one of my favorite stories from New Orleans that includes him because I feel that he deserves to be remembered, and those who knew him need to remember him.

Geoffrey did not want anyone to act like Guy was their favorite person in the world unless he was or that he was a better person than what he was or that the person was closer to Guy than what they really were.  Prior to the funeral, Geoffrey threatened to remove anyone from the podium that started to tell lies about Guy (and I began to wish he had during the main speaker's message).  In honor of Geoffrey's wishes, I will make sure that I do not say or write anything that makes Guy out to be someone that he was not or that makes our relationship out to be something that it was not.  It is no secret (among the kids in New Orleans) that Guy was not one of the kids that I was closest to.  In fact, we had a rollercoaster relationship where we did not get along most of the time.  Some of my worst memories in New Orleans involve Guy and the things that he did, and some of the toughest days I had in New Orleans were made worse by him.  Guy was always around the Center when I was there, even if he wasn't always inside.  I can't think of a time that I was in New Orleans that I did not see Guy.  Even the week that he died, I saw him every day that I was in town except Monday night when I first got in.  I love all of the kids, even the ones that are hard to love, and I loved Guy.

One of my favorite memories of New Orleans involves Guy.  It is one of my favorite stories from New Orleans, and I am glad that I have this memory of him to treasure.  Fortunately I even have pictures from that day (which are the pictures I am including in this blog), and I wrote down about that day in a journal.  Surprisingly the story does not involve Geoffrey.  Guy and Geoffrey were as close as brothers can be, and it was rare to see one without the other.  The two names come out almost involuntarily and it will take a while (if ever) before it will be natural to just say Geoffrey's name by itself.  However, Geoffrey was not around that day.  Maybe he was at home taking care of his rabbit.

The day was in July of 2003.  The night before one of the summer missionaries that summer and I were sitting out on the basketball court beside the Center when a rabbit came hopping across the basketball court.  Now, the Center is located in inner city New Orleans not far from the Mississippi River.  In fact, if you look at a map of New Orleans, the river makes a U and the Center is at the bottom of the U.  Not a place that you would expect to see a rabbit.  This was not a wild rabbit either.  The rabbit looked like it had escaped from the pet store.  I wondered if I was seeing things, but the rabbit was really there.  Strange.  Then another strange thing happened.  Another rabbit hopped out from behind the Center.  Then another.  A rabbit on the playground too.  I cannot remember now if the total was three or four, but there were enough rabbits for us to realize that we were not halucinating.

The next day when I asked, someone informed me that the rabbits were escaping from a backyard behind the Center.  In fact, the yard they were escaping from was the yard that also had the roosters that would crow at very early hours each morning, and all former summer missionaries (at least the ones prior to Katrina) will know the yard I am referring to.  I have lost too much good sleep due to the roosters.  Not only were the rabbits escaping from the yard, but Markquell, one of the kids that has been coming to the Center for years if not his whole life, was catching the rabbits and selling them for $10 apiece.  If I am not mistake, Mark had caught at least one at that point and sold it to Geoffrey who was keeping it at his house.  The kids were all outside, so we came up with the grand idea of catching a rabbit.

Markquell was the expert rabbit catcher, so he started to share his tricks so that we could be successful.  Malcolm, Mark, DJ, Muffin, Guy, some of the other kids, and I plotted how we were going to catch this rabbit.  I can't remember what we were going to do with it for sure (there was probably disagreement), but maybe Mark was going to sell it for $10.  There was a small storage trailer-thing behind the Center that Markquell informed us was the hiding place for the rabbits.  We stood around trying to determine the best way to make the rabbit(s) come out of hiding.  A fence post was nearby, and it was decided that the fence post would be the best way to get the rabbit to come out from under the trailer.  The post was moved around, and soon the rabbit did come out of hiding.  Unfortunately, it went behind the storage building at the back of the basketball court.  Fortunately, we had a plan.

Markquell decided that we should corner the rabbit.  There was a small space between the back of the building and the fence, and there was a place on the left side of the building that we could stand in to catch the rabbit.  Mark's plan was for part of our group to follow the rabbit behind the building and scare it out the other end where the other part of the group would be waiting to catch it.  We divided into groups and all that was left to do was determine who was going to catch the rabbit.  One the rabbit scarer side of the building, Mark and Malcolm worked to scare the rabbit.  The plan was for me, Guy, and Muffin to prepare to catch the rabbit.  Since the kids were all scared of the rabbit, we were the only three that were "brave" enough to catch the rabbit.  Maybe we were the three willing ones because I had rabbits growing up, Guy had Geoffrey's rabbit, and Muffin liked Guy.  The three of us decided that I would try to catch the rabbit, and if it was quick enough or skilled enough to get past me, Guy and Muffin would be quick enough to catch it.  The plan was in place, so the only thing left to do was put the plan into action.

I was in position with Guy and Muffin standing directly behind me, side by side, so that there was not room for the rabbit to get past them.  I gave Mark and Malcolm the go ahead.  Mark started scaring the rabbit down the back of the building.  He periodically updated us on his progress.  The anticipation grew.  He said the rabbit was almost there so I bent down to get ready to grab it and told him to keep going.  Next thing I knew, I saw white and grabbed.  As I grabbed the rabbit, I thought we were in the clear.  It looked like we had caught the rabbit.  Then it thumped.  I have heard a rabbit thump hundreds of times.  I have even had held rabbits while they thumped.  For some reason, this rabbit thumping spooked me.  When it spooked me, I accidentally lost hold of the rabbit.  When I let go of the rabbit, the stupid thing hopped on my leg.  I don't know why, but that made me scream and jump.  Everything is still ok because there are two kids behind me to catch it.  Right?  Well, when I screamed and jumped and the rabbit hopped past me, Guy and Muffin got scared.  So scared that they jumped sideways (in oppposite directions), but there was a fence and a building in the way.  Well, Muffin went halfway up the fence, and Guy went halfway up the side of the building.  Neither had their feet on the ground (I guess in case the rabbit might touch them?).  Not only did they hop out of the way, but both let out blood curdling screams.  The kind of scream that many of you have probably heard when someone of the female gender sees a snake slithering on the ground nearby.  Definitely not the type of scream that you would expect to hear from someone who sees a rabbit!  Not just Muffin either.  Guy also let out a scream.  The look on Guy's face was priceless.  Sheer terror.  Caused by a rabbit.  A face that made me immediately break out in laughter.  Soon he was laughing too and Muffin finally calmed down enough to laugh with us as well.

Once the laughter started, it didn't stop.  Pretty soon our stomachs were sore and tears were streaming down many of our faces because we couldn't stop laughing.  We had all been scared by a rabbit.  Guy, the tough teenage boy, had been scared of a rabbit.  We all kept laughing and recounting our adventure of trying to capture the rabbit.  Guy told the story with pride about how far up the building he was able to climb when that rabbit hopped from between my feet.  For the afternoon, we all got along because we were united by our attempts at rabbit catching.  Guy was one of the kids acting like a kid.  Guy was not trying to impress anyone or act tough.  Guy was just being Guy.  Because of moments like this, I will miss Guy and it will not be the same without him.

Fox News

I was curious the other day and decided to type in Guy's name to see how far the story had gotten and what was being said about his murder.  Surprisingly, his story ended up on FOXNews.com (here).  Of course, the news story links his death to his testimony at the murder trial.  I guess the argument can be made that if the police had provided him with protection following the trial, it would have been harder for the other neighborhood to shoot at him.  It is obvious that everyone read about the death being linked to the testimony, and people don't remember that the day after it was reported to be unrelated to the testimony (although it is related to similar neighborhood feuds that led to Shaver's murder and Guy's murder - just different neighborhoods).  

On another note, David Bonds, the one tried and acquitted for Shaver's murder and whose trial Guy testified in, is wanted for attempted murder because of a shooting that occurred over the weekend.  Hmmmm.  Wonder how that jury feels.  One person held out refusing to convict him.  I wonder which juror.  I especially wonder if it was the alternate since one juror had to be dismissed after seeing the defendant make a gun with his fingers and point it at one of the witnesses.  With all of the press coverage and outrage from the murder verdict, I think there is a good argument for transfer of venue for any future Bonds trial because it is going to be hard for him to get a fair trial on the current charges instead of being convicted on what he was acquitted for. I am glad I don't have to sit on any juries in New Orleans!

No. 54

Guy was homicide number 54 in New Orleans.  To most of the city, he is probably just a number.  Most of the city probably only remembers the headline that says he was a witness in a murder trial the week before, and he was shot.  Most of the city probably doesn't know that he was not killed because of his testimony, or at least they won't remember it if there is ever a chance to testify at the trials of his murderers.  Most of the city has already forgotten that he is number 54 since the city's murder victim number is now in the 70s.  Most of the city wants to use his murder as a platform to speak out against violence instead of motivation for investing in the lives of those that remain behind.  Most of the city doesn't know that it is possible that the ones shooting used to play with the ones being shot at when they were kids.  It is hard to love in the inner city.  Shouldn't that motivate us to go out and show God's love even more there?  Sure, it hurts, but aren't we called to take the gospel everywhere?  I am sure it will hurt again, but until then, I will be on my knees praying and in the lives loving believing that God will change the lives and hearts of the boys so that they will glorify His name.  

Guy

Guy Anthony McEwen -- 04/16/1988 - 04/17/2008

This is part of the reason that I have not written very much on the blog this month.  There is so much more to say.  Just remember the Center and the neighborhood in your prayers since this is the second murder in the past four months that has affected them.  Add to it the acquittal of the person suspected of murdering one of the teenager's step-father (when the shots were meant for him and Guy) and other things that are happening, and it is a really difficult time for all of us right now.