Prison

One thing that hit me today as I read a letter from prison quoting Paul who wrote the verse quoted while in prison was that we benefited from Paul's imprisonment. If it were not for the imprisonments that Paul experienced, he probably would not have slowed down long enough to write letters. Paul was able to devote the time to writing letters because he had time on his hands. He was not preparing for the next sermon or dealing with church issues, but was able to devote time to the letters and to conversation with those around him at the jail. I am sure that I have heard this before in sermons, but it is something that seems to be more clear to me today.

One thing that prison gives a person time to do is think. One of the things that I think some of my boys needed was time to think. In the past when they have started thinking, they have done things to try to push out the thoughts. Although some of those things are still around in prison, they seem to be concentrating on good time more than trying to dull any pain. One of the brothers of both Guy and James are in jail right now. I heard from both this week. Their letters have a much different tone than the boys I saw before they went to jail. One thing I noticed in both - hope. They have thought about the future, and are planning for it. I think that one of them is finally ready to leave the old life completely behind. I pray that he continues toward his goals. I know that I am grateful for the words I have read this week. I am also glad that they know that there is still someone who has hope for them as well. I love my boys!

Something Changed

The biggest change I think I have experienced between Guy's murder and James' murder - I don't even care who the shooter(s) is/are or whether they are ultimately tried for the crime. It is sometimes easier to not know and not put a face on the killer. I have barely given the shooter(s) any thought except to think about how I am not thinking about them this time.

I remember telling my pastor this summer that sometimes when a family learns who committed the murder, it is more difficult to deal with the death. When a family in our church learned who the murder was of their family members, that was proven true for them. It was true for me when Guy was murdered. I hope I never learn who did it to James because of the extra layer of emotions that it causes. His death is hard enough to deal with without knowing.

Six Flags 2002

If there was one day I wish I could have captured on video so that I could watch it over and over again, it would be the day that the Center kids went to Six Flags in 2002. I remember bits and pieces of that day. I ended up with a group of four boys - I always get along with the boys better. One in my group was too short to ride many of the rides. I noticed his pouty-ness and decided I would not ride the ride if he could not ride it. I spent a lot of time with him that day. I also made the rule that we had to alternate rides between the ones he could ride and the ones he could not. My reward was some hand holding and lots of smiles. He was my buddy that day. My little sidekick. He was one sweet little boy.

Later the younger kids went back to the Center and I volunteered to stay with the teens. I assumed the older kids would not want me around. I was wrong. When they saw me they asked where I had been, and forced me to walk around riding rides with them. I say forced - I am sure I was easy to convince. One of the boys made me sit on the outside of him on a spinning ride. This resulted in him being pressed up against me for the entire ride. Another boy kept saying he felt like he was going to be sick causing me and my ride partner to laugh so hard we were almost crying. We got along that night. We were friends.

Now both of my ride buddies are gone. I said goodbye to the teenager - Guy - almost three and a half years ago. My short boy grew up - taller than me, but did not get to become a man. I will be saying goodbye to James this weekend. There is one day in my memory that unites them and it was that day at Six Flags. Sure, I remember them being around me together at other times, but this day was a special day. I am thankful for the precious memories. I am thankful for that day at Six Flags nine years ago. For the moment, it feels like it was yesterday.

James Wells

May 1, 1994 - August 26, 2011

The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord. Job 1:21b

Camelbak Water Bottle

I am not an environmentally concerned person. I am not one to really worry about the amount of trash I have. I do not recycle regularly even though that is available here. However, since becoming self-employed, I realized I was going through WAY too many bottles of water. While at the firm, I had a seemingly unlimited supply of cold water that claimed to be spring water and had very little taste. I do not like the taste of the tap water here so I became a bottled water addict once I entered the world of self-employment. I began to notice that I had too many water bottles everywhere waiting for the next trash day or recycling, and I would refrain from drinking water just because I did not want to throw away more bottles.

One day while shopping Target I ran across this water bottle:



I bought it on a whim, and I have been pleased with the purchase ever since. Due to its price and the price of the filters, I don't think it is cheaper (or it will take a while for it to be cheaper) than bottled water. However, I have noticed my water consumption returning to the pre-self-employment levels. The water tastes filtered coming from the bottle. The bottle is a convenient size. The filters supposedly last three months, and my experience has been that it was pretty close to the three month range before the taste suffered, and I think I used the first filter exactly three months (bought in late March/early April and changed in July). The filter system is easy to use. I have carried this bottle on trips, to camp, and all over the house. It is definitely a good alternative to drinking lots of bottled water. I still keep bottled water around for guests or to make Crystal Light since it is the act of using the straw to take a drink that filters the water. Additionally, the Camelbak, since it is a filter, is not made for flavored drinks, just water. Overall if you are a water drinker, I highly recommend this water bottle. I think it is worth the price for a single person drinking 3-4 bottles of water every day.

*The picture is a link to the Amazon listing for this water bottle. I bought mine at Target for a little bit more than this one, but I did not have to wait for it to ship. Also, my bottle is the charcoal bottle instead of like the one in the picture.

Homemade Refried Black Beans

I am a huge fan of black beans. I put them in almost everything. Today I decided to make refried beans with a can of black beans I had. All you have to do is mash them up and season them, right? Actually, yes that is all it took, and they tasted better than what you get out of a can!

Ingredients

1/4 an onion, chopped
1-2 teaspoons of garlic
1 can of black beans, mostly drained
1/2 small can of chiles
2 tablespoons chili powder
1-2 tablespoons cumin
1/2 teaspoon cayenne
Salt
Freshly ground pepper

Instructions

Spray pan with generous amount of cooking spray. Heat on medium and add onion and garlic to the pan cooking until the onions are softened. Push the onions to the side of the pan and add a spoonful of black beans. Let the beans sizzle for a few seconds, then mash with a potato masher. Stir together with the onions, push to the side, and repeat until all the beans have been added. Add the chiles and send through the masher again. Add the spices, simmer, then serve.

I don't really measure my spices, so these measurements are a suggestion. They are the approximate amounts that I used, and my beans were good and spicy. If you have a sensitive tongue, you may want to cut down on the chili powder and chile peppers. If you can take the heat, add the whole can. The nice thing about homemade refried beans is that the spices and the taste are up to you.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Signature Meatloaf

Meatloaf may be the ultimate comfort food. Having a meatloaf recipe to fall back on is almost as important as having a stocked spice pantry ... or toilet paper in the bathroom. I am exaggerating a little, although for someone like me who loves meatloaf, but is also picky about the taste of it, it is pretty close. I have worked and worked on creating a meatloaf recipe that I could remember without a recipe and could make regularly without worrying about how it is going to taste. I have looked at many different meatloaf recipes, and I finally decided that the recipes are just inspiration instead of to be followed exactly. Saturday I finally came up with something that is quite possibly the best meatloaf I have ever tasted. Meatloaf is one of those things that you might think your recipe is the best, but someone else may not share your opinion because taste in meatloaf is so personal. Gather a group of moms together to share their recipes, and you will probably discover the same number of recipes as the number of persons present.

Here is my signature meatloaf recipe:

1 lb ground turkey
2 lbs extra lean ground pork
1 small onion, chopped
1 can of Italian bread crumbs
1 lb (minus a little) shredded cheddar cheese
1-1/2 cups of ketchup (eyeballed instead of measured)
3/4 of a small can of sundried tomato pesto (but save the rest)
1 small can of tomato paste
1 onion, sliced

Combine the first 7 ingredients in the same way you always do when you make a meatloaf. The longer you work with it, the better it combines. Plus, no matter how nasty it is, you really do need to use your hands. Form into a loaf. Meanwhile, put a layer of onions in the bottom of the pan/crockpot for the meat to lay on (to keep the bottom from burning and to soak up the cheese and meat grease). Put the loaf on the bed of onions, and place some slices at the edges too if the loaf is leaning on any edges. Cook like you would any meatloaf (3-4 hours on high in the crockpot). Combine the remaining tomato pesto with the tomato paste and spread on the loaf halfway through cooking (or at the beginning if you like it burnt). Cook until the middle is 165 degrees so you can eat it cold the next day (you know you like cold meatloaf almost as much as you like warm meatloaf).

I do not know if it was the ground pork or the Italian spices that sent this meatloaf over the top for me. Maybe it was the cheese. I am thinking about using Italian cheeses the next time I make it to see if it tastes good that way too. However, it was perfect made this way ... for me at least. I am so happy to have found my signature meatloaf! Feel free to try my recipe and mix it up. Make it your own. Get to work on your signature meatloaf recipe!

Things I never thought I would say or do as a lawyer

I may or may not have recently told a client that donating plasma is a great way to raise money to buy a bus pass so that transportation would no longer be an issue. And to donate around court time so that a taxi could be hired.

I may or may not have recently said to a judge, "Please don't tell me that my client tried to use a whizzinator!" Judge's response, "Well, close. They made their own." [If you look up whizzinator, beware - don't say I didn't warn you! I first learned about these in a drug education course, so someone else had already looked it up!]

I may or may not have recently said that I was not going to starve no matter how good the person's case was just because they could not pay me the low price I was asking.

I may or may not have recently argued custody of a dog in a CPS case ... and won. Even worse, the parent was more upset that the custody of the dog was decided than that the temporary custody of the children was decided.

I may or may not have recently attempted 16 hearings in two counties on the same day. Although I prepared for 16, I ended up handling only 12 in two counties on the same day. Still an exhausting day!

I may or may not have recently decided to take a nap during the middle of the day, resulting in the need to work until 8 or 9 that night. Self-employment rocks!

Dealing with the Pro Se Opponent

While at the firm, I ran across pro se litigants very rarely, in part because I was not doing as much family law. Now I am running into more and more pro se parties on the other side. I think there are certain rules that need to be communicated to those who want to have themselves for a client:

(1) Rule #1: Do not expect everyone else to do your work for you. It is your job to draft, your job to read what is sent, your job to understand it. If it has legalese in it, go look it up in a legal dictionary. If it quotes a statute, go look it up because most statutes are online for free. If you are not going to hire an attorney, you need to be prepared to put in the work that an attorney would put in because no one is going to do the work for you.

(2) Rule #2: Opposing counsel is not there to do you favors. Just because you think the outcome is wrong does not mean you should call the attorney on the other side and try to change their minds. In fact, the outcome was probably pretty favorable to the attorney's client, and it would be malpractice for the attorney to suddenly take your side. It is the Court you have to convince, not opposing counsel.

(3) Rule #3: Do not call during the height of your emotional outburst. You are not thinking rationally, so it is impossible for the attorney to communicate with you. I get that you are mad, feel like the system failed, feel that Goliath beat David, feel that I used my influence to push things through, but there is nothing I am going to do about it. In fact most of the time opposing counsel will start trying to use a rational argument with the pro se litigant, then give up and resort to either yelling or silence. Silence is my tactic of choice.

(4) Rule #4: Do not lie about something that can be independently verified. Attorneys specialize in paperwork. Chances are the attorney has the paperwork to prove that you are lying. It is also quite possible that the attorney has the credibility with the Court necessary to just show the paperwork.

(5) Rule #5: Read what you sign. You cannot use the defense, "well s/he told me that signing this would make such and such occur." Have you ever considered that the person giving you this advice is going up against you in the matter?

(6) Rule #6: Stop quoting this mysterious "lawyer" who is supposedly reading the paperwork and giving you advice. For one, this person rarely exists. Making up a "lawyer" is not going to cause the lawyer to start questioning his or her capability on a case. If the person does exist, they are probably giving free advice and therefore, not that great of advice. Just because a person has a JD after their name does not mean that they know all the nuances of the area of law you are asking them about. Bankruptcies attorneys may know nothing about family law except what they learned in law school 20 years ago and vice versa. (Same thing goes for doctors too!) Also, if you are not paying them for research, they probably are not researching your issue to find out if what you are saying is correct. Finally, they probably have not heard the whole story because that would probably take a minimum of an hour to tell, and most of us are too busy to give an hour. When you quote the mysterious "lawyer," this is what I am thinking and I am sure other attorneys are thinking the same thing.

(7) Rule #7: Come to Court. I follow the rule that even if a waiver is signed, I give notice of hearings. I also, when the person is not represented by an attorney, try to make that waiver as favorable to the pro se litigant as possible. Why? Because the pro se person never comes to Court, and is always unhappy with what the judge decides because they were not their to tell their side. The State of Texas tells me that when you sign a waiver, I provide you notice, you do not agree with the proposed order, and you do not show, then I can proceed and my client is going to be able to talk about whatever s/he wants to talk about which may or may not result in an order that is less favorable to you than the one I sent to you. The main place this comes up is child support. If there is no agreement, there is going to be child support entered because I am not going to present the evidence as to why child support should not be entered. Doing so might result in my client having a complaint against me, and I am there to represent my client. This can all be avoided if the pro se litigant would just show up to Court.

(8) Rule #8: Dress appropriately. If you are representing yourself, it is probably smart to dress the part. A suit is a good idea. Caring enough to wear a suit gives the appearance of preparation even if you do not know what you are doing. This goes even for clients who are represented by counsel because club attire is not appropriate for Court. Also, undergarments should be worn to Court.

(9) Rule #9: Do not talk back to the Court. It is amazing how disrespectful some pro se litigants are towards the Court. The person in the black robe is not like your mother and father who you could run all over. S/He is not like your teacher at school who was confined to certain discipline methods. S/He can throw you in jail. S/He can take away your access to your children. S/He can fine you money. You had better be nice to the Court!

(10) Rule #10: Since you are not my client, I do not have to talk to you every time you call. This may be more of a personal rule than an across the board rule. I try to be respectful and call you back, but when the conversations are not productive, cost my client money, and start numbering three to four a day, I am going to start ignoring one or two of them. You can correspond with me in writing if you want to get your point across because thirty minutes of ranting or arguing just waste my time. My duty is not to you.

I understand that lawyers are pricey. I truly believe that a citizen can go into court and represent themselves if they are willing to put the time and effort into being an expert on their case. It is probably more advisable to have a lawyer because the law is technical. There is a reason that I had to go to extra school and pay thousands of dollars. If you make the choice to represent yourself, understand that legal work is time consuming and requires research and paperwork. Be willing to put forth the effort so that you are respectful of the Court and opposing counsel. The statutes can be found for free on the Internet so start with those instead of a general legal help site that is not state specific. Whatever you do, if you are going to say that opposing counsel or the Court is wrong, be ready to back it up with statute or evidence following the correct procedure instead of complaining once the order is complete. These are just a few tips for those brave enough to represent themselves so that they do not also represent a fool.

Being Sensitive to Suffering

I have clearly seen throughout my adult life how God usually prepares us to go through the things we go through. I feel like God gives us little warnings before the unexpected happens. Maybe it is more of a benefit of a life of discipline. When we are disciplined enough to be faithful to the study of God's word, we can find ourselves prepared.

I have been going through a 2 Thessalonian precept study. I did not really want to do 2 Thessalonian this spring, but I feel that when the opportunity presents itself, and there are no other ministries that take priority over a Bible study, you should do it. This week's study was over the first chapter. One of the insights I had while studying the first chapter, reading verses on suffering and affliction, and looking up the Greek definitions of the words is that suffering is much deeper than just suffering ridicule for the sake of the gospel. It comes from Christians and non-Christians alike when you are being obedient to God's word. You will take actions that no one understands when you are being obedient. Part of obedience is getting involved in people's lives to the point that when they suffer, you suffer with them. We limit suffering for the sake of the gospel when I think it is a little broader when we are loving our neighbor and getting involved in their lives.

For example, Jesus befriended Mary, Martha and Lazarus. He was involved in their lives. Lazarus got sick and died, and Jesus suffered. He was grieved by the pain of His friends Mary and Martha even though He knew that God would be glorified in Lazarus' resurrection in the end. He was sensitive to their suffering even though He knew the outcome. He ministered to them in their grief. He went through this grief for the sake of the gospel. Ultimately God was glorified.

Yesterday, I received news that my little guy in New Orleans lost almost everything in a fire that completely destroyed their apartment. By completely, I mean that no possession other than a few shoes in the back of the closet seem recognizable. Even though I knew that God would provide for them and that things will probably be better for them in the end, there is still a sensitivity to their suffering that must be shown. It breaks my heart to think of some of the things that they have lost. Some of it can sort of be replaced such as pictures because I have most of the pictures anyway and clothes and toys and books, but there are also those things that cannot be replaced. When you get caught up in someone's life, you have to be willing to suffer with them. You have to be ready to sacrifice something of yourself. You have to be ready to grieve. Even though no one ridiculed my faith or held a gun to my head, I believe that it was a day of suffering for the gospel. If I did not love my little guy and his mother, I would have just thought it was a sad situation, but not allowed it to disrupt my life. Instead, so that God may be glorified, I allowed myself to suffer with them. I could show them love through actions, not just words of comfort. Even better, not too long after I received news of the fire, I received an e-mail from a friend I have not heard from in months on the subject of suffering. God is so good to us!

American Idol 2011 - My Thoughts So Far

I thought after the first week that I would not watch this season. I could not stand Steven Tyler as a judge. Still cannot, which I know puts me in the minority. However, I have been able to look past him and enjoy the season so far. The main reason I was able to look past him - Jordan Dorsey. He was the first featured auditioner for the New Orleans audition. I liked him then, I like him now. Yes, he is diva like, or was portrayed that way during the Hollywood round. However, he is good.

Also, who is this Paul McDonald guy and why do I not know more about him? All of a sudden it is like the producers said, wait a minute, we do not have much footage of this guy and he is going to the top twenty-four, so we had better get something put out there about him. I feel like I need to know more! His voice is mesmerizing, and I know no other way to describe it. I am glad we get to hear more, more, more. Of course he could totally bomb the live show and make me realize why we have not seen much of him.

I was sad to see John Wayne go, only because I thought he looked good in a cowboy hat. I think both cowboys should have stayed and let the guy who cut Jacee out of the group go. I do not care if the guy who shall not be named ends up having the most talent in the universe, I will not vote for him because of how he treated Jacee. He should have done the Jordan thing and left the group if he thought that Jacee was not a fit. My college roommate's little girl called Jacee the chubby Justin Bieber. I think that is fitting! As for the other cowboy, Scotty, I hope I never have to hear that song from him again and that he can now move on to something else!

As far as the girls go, I am not impressed with many. I like the young country chick named Lauren, but then she showed up dressed like cowgirl Barbie (the show's words, not mine). I usually feel this way about the girls at this point in the season, so there is still a chance I will be wowed.

I already have contestants that I cannot stand and make me feel the way Sanjaya made the world feel. I hope they go soon. I fear they will not. Although I agree that the guy's rendition of "God Bless the Child" was good, he has got to go! Nothing else he did was good. End of story. There is also he who must not be named. I also was not impressed like the judges were with Thia Magia or whatever her rhyming name is. I tend to agree more with the voice coach on that one. Her voice has a flatness in it that is just annoying!

Well, I hoped that this year might be the year I break my addiction, but I am hooked instead. I do think that there is a tremendous amount of talent this year. I think that it is going to be hard to forget some of the ones cut if they do come back next year to try out again like the judges seem to want (and the producers too because how can you forget Jacee ... although it will be interesting if his voice changes!). The show seems no better, no worse, which is saying a lot since I do miss Simon. I am glad that the show is finally out of the preliminary stuff and on to the singing competition. Let the real competition begin!

Excuses, Excuses

Whenever someone finds out that the part of my job that I enjoy the most is representing children in CPS cases, I am usually met with excuse after excuse after excuse. I think I am going to do a global response to the excuses, although I usually am much more politically correct when I actually respond to the person. Here is what I really wish I could say.

(1) Excuse #1: I could never do that, it would just be too hard.

I usually say, yes, it is hard. I still feel like I should do it anyway. What I really want to say is, if you think it is hard for you, think about the child that has no one to speak for them. Think about the child that has lived it. Might it be nice for that child to know that someone felt what happened to them was wrong? Might it be nice for the child to know that it is not their fault, and might you be able to tell them that? Might it be nice for the child to see that you cared enough to get involved when their parent does not even care enough to go to a few parenting classes and drug rehab? The child is going through things that adults want to close their eyes and ears to and that the child is not able to comprehend.

The right perspective to have is that it is a hard job that we are called to do. The Bible makes it very clear that Christians are to be the voice for the fatherless, the orphan, the oppressed. There are not outs. It is what God requires. It is not my command, but God's. This does not mean that the only way to help the fatherless, orphans, oppressed is by getting involved in some capacity in CPS cases. What this does mean is that if you look at your life and cannot see a way that you are helping the orphan and fatherless, you might be sinning. Although I have great respect for Compassion (and support some children myself), I think that this means more than just sending a check to an agency to do the work for you. I think it means getting involved and speaking out on behalf of the oppressed. For me, it means being an attorney for the children (and parents). For you, it might look like getting involved in CASA, volunteering to be checked into for a respite possibility for a person who is housing a child, or looking into fostering. It might even look like stepping in to help a family BEFORE the state comes in and befriending that family. Take some time to teach someone how to parent. Is it tough? Yes. Is it worth it? Yes, if for no other reason than knowing that you are in God's will because His scripture commands it.

(2) Excuse #2: I would just worry about the children all the time and be unable to sleep at night

I have had very few sleepless nights as a result of my CPS work. Part of the reason is that by the time that the case gets to me, the children are out of danger. Yes, I have feared for the children when the judge put them back with a parent. I also have called a caseworker to move the kids because I feared for their safety. When you are in the case, if you really fear for the child, you are able to do something about it. I guarantee you that I would lose more sleep from the realization that I am not in God's will than I lose knowing I am at least trying to fulfill His will. My response is usually that I sleep just fine, you learn to shut your brain off. What I wish I could say is how are you able to sleep when you are doing nothing and this is going on all around you? You should be the one losing sleep!

(3) Excuse #3: I do not have the time

I am usually pretty blunt with this one and suggest that the person find a way to make time, whether it be by volunteering one hour a month at a local pregnancy center, a little more to be a CASA volunteer, or donating some time to a local group home. I always emphasize the giving of time more than money in that situation. See I usually know that the person who says it religiously watches American Idol or Biggest Loser or some other TV show that takes at least an hour of their time each and every week. I do not usually get this excuse from the young mother who really does not have spare time and is raising her children in the way that God lays out in Scripture and truly may be in a season where sending the Compassion money and donation checks is how she is able to contribute.

(4) Excuse #4: If I helped out other kids, it would take something away from my own

My usual response is a faked, obviously lying, "I understand." I compound sin by sinning myself. Really, I do not understand. This is the excuse that gets under my skin the most. The reason it does is because those who say it are usually the people that are idolizing their children. They do not see themselves as idolizing their children. However, they are the ones that are posting tons of pictures of their own children in the best of clothes with the best of stuff taking the best vacations and bragging about the accomplishments of the children. The children become the center of the parents' universe. The children become even more important than God, often made clear by the parent choosing the child's activities over religious upbringing. I am not saying that if a parent has a hard time feeding their own child, that they should take a foster child in. I am saying that when a parent spends all of their time and energy and money on their child instead of teaching the child to do without in service to others, there is a problem. The children often grow up selfish and conceited and do not have a concept of sacrificing for the benefit of others.

I propose that families should evaluate whether fostering and adopting might be a way to put the gospel on display for natural born children. Instead of saying that it might take something away from the natural born children, families should look at how children might learn about the gospel through the family's actions. Christians are God's children by adoption. Think about how great it might be to show children about how God adopts us through an earthly adoption. If adoption is not the route that can be pursued for various valid reasons, consider at least teaching your children about the needs of the fatherless and orphans and oppressed and let them see what you are doing to help. It does not help your children for you to shelter them or even try to, especially when you send that child to public school. Guess what. There is a pretty good chance that your child is going to school with another child who is being abused, neglected, talking about drugs, using curse words all before the child is a teenager. Your children are exposed to it day in and day out. Teach them to be part of the solution.

If your sixteen year old son is on drugs, yes, you probably need to focus on that child. If your children are babies and toddlers, you probably are right that it may not be best to foster/adopt at that time.

(5) Excuse #5: There might be something wrong with the child and I do not know if I can handle it

I usually say, you are right but there are ways provided for you to handle it. If you are a CASA volunteer who finds yourself in over your head, there are others who are more experienced that can step in. If you are a foster parent who finds yourself in over your head, there are opportunities to change the child's level of care so that they can get the help they need. If you are a prospective adoptive parent, you will have the child in your home for six months (at a minimum) before the adoption will go through. I also hate to burst your bubble, but your natural born child can reject the morals and values he/she was raised under, and break your heart too. It is part of the sacrifice you make when you start to actually love by thinking of the other person's well being before your own. You may have to make some tough decisions that may include the child being outside of your home, but in some situations you can continue a relationship with the child even when you are unable to provide the forever home.

(6) Excuse #6: That is easy for you to say, you do not have children

I usually get this one when I have accidentally lost control of my tongue and said any of the what I really want to say in #1-5. I usually respond to this one with all honesty by saying, "You are right. I realize that if God blesses me with children, I am going to have the temptations to make any of these excuses about why I should not get involved. I can only thank God now that He has made it clear to me that it is a command, not an option, and it is His will. I also have to pray that if I do have children, God will guard me from the temptation to use any of the excuses for not getting involved. I also pray that if I ever stray from God's will in this matter, someone will have the courage to point out to me my sin. I may not take it well, I may be offended, but I still hope someone will point it out to me."

(7) Excuse #7: I am not called to do that kind of work

Yes, you are ... by God ... in the Bible. You are called to do justice, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with God. You are called to help the widow, orphan, fatherless, poor and oppressed. There are no exceptions given that I have found. You want to know God's will for your life? It says it in the scriptures by the type of things we are commanded to do. Stop waiting for a direct call, and start following commandments. It is as simple as that ... and often the direct call comes from the obedience.

I fully recognize that there are other places in scripture that I am not fully following the commands that God has laid out. However, I hope that I will not use the excuse, "That is not my calling." There are exceptions in Scripture for titles, but not lifestyles of obedience. I know there are areas I need to work on. I pray that I can stop making excuses in those areas. I also pray that I can continue to follow God's will in the areas I do recognize are part of His commandments, not suggestions.

Safety First?

One of the problems with the current state of the church is that churches are obsessed with safety. Members are willing to say that they would die for Jesus, but they are not willing to do things that would put them in the position to do it, all in the name of safety. There are certain parts of town that we cannot go to, even to share the gospel, because it is not safe. We cannot continue to have our building in that location because the neighborhood has gone downhill and our cars might get broken into.

There is another aspect of safety that I think is damaging the church even worse. This is safety in relationships. You see, when you start to spend time with people and dare to love them, you are inevitably going to get hurt. You might be hurt by something that they do. You might be hurt by something that they go through. People in the church seem unwilling to let people in, to spend time with people, to make friendships at church a priority. Sure, we claim to be friends because we look at their posts on Facebook and sit with them on Sunday morning and maybe even eat lunch together, but it does not go much beyond that. We do not take each other seriously. Instead we have created this false church friendship that might bring meals when you have surgery or comment on your Facebook posts with godly encouragement, but is not willing to get down to the sinful level of your life. We might even shed a tear or two about what the other person is going through. However, we do not take the time to make a real difference in the person's life. This is all another attempt to keep ourselves safe.

I struggle with actually making relationships meaningful. I think that we do not really love each other, even in the church. If we loved each other, we would make each other a priority. We would not abandon the person going through a tough time. I see glimpses of persons in the church actually showing love, and I am encouraged by it. However, I also see so many looking out for number one and wanting praise for what they do instead of being willing to be a friend without praise and recognition. You are supposed to be a friend even when it is hard. Even when the other person screws up. Even when the other person makes the same mistake over and over and over. I think that the problem we have with friendship, even in the church, is trying to figure out what is in it for us when we do have the friend. We want the friend that is going to remember our birthday and give us encouragement and call us for lunch. We do not want the friend that is going to expect us to do those things and give nothing in return. However, we should continue to be the friend even when we are used and neglected and taken advantage of because we should be in the friendship for the benefit of the other person. Think about how different our churches would look if we started looking at our relationships in how we could benefit the other person instead of how that person can benefit you. Think about how much deeper our friendships would go. Sure, you would end up with people in your life that would use you then reject you once they feel that your use is up. But you would also find diamond in the rough friendships where you least expect it. I pray that I can become more of that type of friend that does not value my own safety, physically and emotionally, above love.

Candy Making

During the extra day off that I was able to take at Christmas, I decided to start teaching myself how to make candy. I am not talking about the chocolate you pop in the microwave, stir some nuts into, and call it candy making. Although those treats are good, there is something even better about old fashioned candy making. It is a cooking art that is going out of style in exchange for quickness and convenience.

Candy making is time consuming. It is not necessarily hard, although I have ruined a few batches of fudge and toffee. It requires patience. Lots of patience. Too much patience in the case of the unruined batch of toffee that was not according to instructions but was SO good! When you have stirred the toffee for over an hour, you begin to wonder if it is worth it. It was. When you review the instructions and see that you were not supposed to stir it and decide to take the non-stir approach, it is not worth it. It comes out too hard. I know that now.

My mom likes to tell how my grandmother and a friend would get together and make candy at Christmas time. I think that is something we are missing as a society. Since we shortcut things like baking and candy making and want to use mixes and boxes and microwaves, we miss out on the fellowship that comes along with having the patience to stir the candy. I am on a mission to bring candy making back in fashion. I am trying to recruit family members at Christmas time and even some ladies at church to make this a fellowship time. For one, the old fashioned fudge that is hard and grainy takes a lot of arm strength to stir, and I think it should be a team effort. The finished product is worth it though.

My family now has a candy maker in it. I have successfully accomplished soft toffee, fudge, chocolate mint fudge (soft), and pralines. I am trying to perfect my technique on the soft toffee and the chocolate mint fudge (and try different flavors of fudge). I have even attempted crockpot candy (still working on that one too). I feel like the product of a previous generation, one that took the time to create something great instead of buying it at the nearest store or using a shortcut for something almost as good. My fudge mistakes have been a nice addition to my morning coffee and to brownies (well, the batch that could be salvaged!). I have learned that my candy thermometer is one notch off in temperature. I have learned wooden spoons are the best, unless you are making toffee. I have also learned you can make candy on a humid day, just use a space heater to dry out the air in the room. I am not brave enough to attempt something like divinity yet, but I am sure that day will come. Maybe next Christmas when I have someone around who actually like divinity and can tell me if it tastes right. Until then I will continue to teach myself how to make candy in hopes that I can share my knowledge with others some Saturday soon and revive candy making in my generation.

Flying Solo

On November 1, 2010, I embarked on the adventure of solo practice as an attorney. What a ride the last three months have been! Here are some of my observations.

I am incredibly grateful for the five years I spent at a firm. I learned things at the firm that I could not learn anywhere else. It was not until almost four years in that I began to question whether I had a long term future at a firm. I started realizing that the work I wanted to do and enjoyed doing was not really the type of work you typically see at a firm. However, the years at the firm taught me the type of lawyer I wanted to be. I learned how to respect other attorneys. I learned how to be friendly and that friendliness can sometimes be the best way to advocate for the client. I learned billing practices. I gained a reputation. I also discovered that I do not like the greediness that is present in litigation. I prefer to work on cases that matter more than the bottom dollar. I struggled with balancing the cases that would pay the firm's bills and the cases that I perceived as being more meaningful. I will always be grateful for the time that I spent learning how to practice law at a firm.

Working from home is a good fit for me. I like the flexibility of being able to work at my own pace without someone looking over my shoulder. I like being able to roll out of bed and go to work immediately. I like wearing what I want when I want without worrying that I am not projecting the right image. My clients often prefer the dressed down look for meetings because it is less intimidating and makes them feel comfortable. Plus, my clients do not look at what I am wearing and think that I am charging the rates I do to dress nice. When you charge someone for your time instead of a product, you have to make them think that you are worth what they are being charged instead of that you are charging a certain amount because you need to support your lifestyle. I also like meeting with clients outside of an office setting. I like being able to do laundry when I feel like it, clean when I feel like it, and not being in a rush to get home each day.

It is easier for me to achieve the right amount of balance when I am my own boss. I know when I need to take a break. I know when I need some time off. I know when I am done for the day and productivity is going to suffer. I did not feel the freedom to make those decisions when I was reporting to a boss. I did not feel as if my time was my own. I did not realize how stressed I felt working in that environment. My bosses were good bosses. I just do not perform at my best when I feel like my life is out of balance. I did not feel comfortable asking the firm to allow me to participate in Vacation Bible School at my church. I did not feel like I could ask to take off to help out the preschool director if I needed to. It was not because my bosses were unwilling to give time off. It was just the personal feeling that I was not carrying my own weight. Now I feel the freedom to be more active in community activities, church, and cases that are not about the money because my time is my own and I will not be letting anyone down. I can balance more areas of my life without feeling like others are judging me for it. And if I mess up and commit time somewhere that is not in the best interest of my business, I am the only one who suffers the consequences for the decision. I like this balance.

God calls Christians to live in the world but to not be worldly. I think that the greatest temptation in my profession is to give in to the things of the world such as money, stuff, power, and prestige. One of my greatest fears was giving in to the sin of materialism by thinking I needed to have the nicest car, house, clothes, possessions. I looked at attorneys that succeed in firms, and the nicest house, cars, power, and prestige often result from that success. But at what cost? So many of those attorneys are miserable, have horrible family lives, sacrifice their reputation, and ultimately come to the conclusion that it is not worth it. I did not want to get to my sixties or seventies and reach this conclusion. I had no desire to be the richest attorney in town or to live in the nicest house or to drive the nicest car. I only have the desire to be the best advocate for the poor, the widow, the fatherless, the oppressed - those that cannot help themselves. I want to be about reconciliation in a society that does not value reconciliation. I want to be about the gospel in a world that needs the gospel above all else. I feel like the best way for me to incorporate this into my practice is by being out on my own where I feel that freedom to share. I know that I am going to be faced with the temptation to make more money and to be the best at what I do. I believe that I can best face that temptation by reminding myself that God calls us to do justice, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with Him. That is it. If I make more, it means I need to give more. My motivation for making more should be so that I can give more.

Finally, there are a lot of things that I can live without. I am learning to live without a secretary. I think this will benefit any future secretaries because I have done the work for myself prior to them working for me. I can live without the best of the best legal research subscription. I can live without mileage reimbursement checks. I can live without a receptionist. I can live without the best letterhead, business cards, website, advertisements. I can live without the noise that comes with working in an office. I can live without the fancy office. I can live without the best and seemingly unlimited office supplies. I cannot live without a reputation. Right now all clients are as a result of word of mouth, referrals from other attorneys, or court appointments. I had to build that reputation by being nice to other attorneys and respectful of the court. I had to build that reputation by returning client's phone calls. No client is worth ruining your reputation for. Although there are plenty things I can live without, my reputation is not one of them.

Texas Bowl 2010

Baylor went to a bowl game for the first time since the early-90s. I always said while I was at Baylor that I would support their football program. Life happens, and living several hours away has made it very difficult to keep supporting the program. My "support" usually is watching the two games that play on Fox Sports Southwest each year and following the scores on my ESPN app. This year was no different. I always said that I would attend a bowl game if they ever made it to one. With the decision to become self-employed, it looked like that would not happen either. My brother decided that since Baylor made it to a bowl game, and since the bowl game was in Houston and therefore within a reasonable distance that I could attend, he would get me tickets. Plus, he would allow me to take his wife with me since she had never been to a Baylor game (or a Division 1 college game for that matter) and she and I had never been able to spend one on one time with each other for an extended period of time getting to know each other.

Despite the final score, we had a blast! I introduced Amy to Ninfas, a Baylor tradition that fortunately extends to Houston. My brother bought tickets that were just a few rows up on the 50 yard line! Because of this I was able to capture some cool pictures even with my less than professional camera.

Driving Sin

I am a sinful driver. One of the side effects of being self-employed is that I now spend more time in a car. I like driving. I like the time to myself that it gives me as I think on life, pray, sing, listen to books on tape, or practice what I am going to say. God has used this time to point out some sins that I need to work on. One sin caught me off guard.

Integrity is firm adherence to a moral code or a state of being undivided. I have heard it explained that integrity is acting the same way in a group of people that you would in a room by yourself. There are not many people in this world who have this value. For me, as you can see from yesterday's post, I have been thinking quite a bit on what it looks like to love enemies (and friends). I have also been thinking about the quality of humility. One day as I was thinking on these things, I noticed that my driving was sinful because it was not exhibiting love or humility. I am a selfish driver.

I noticed this when someone else was a selfish driver. It is often so easy to point out the sins in others, but we often can recognize our own sin by seeing the sins of others. Someone cut me off. I was delayed probably less than two seconds as I had to slow down then pass the driver that decided that he should pull out in front of me. I was annoyed. The thought that popped into my head is "What makes him think that his time is more important than mine?" The wheels in my head started turning. I often do just that. I pull out in front of someone because I am valuing my time more than their time. I am showing a lack of respect for the person I am pulling out in front of or cutting off or running through a yellow/red light. If I want to be a person of integrity that values loving people and humility, I am going to have to start in my driving. There is no recognition for being a respectful driver. The other driver is not going to know that I am making a conscience decision to be respectful of his/her time. The other driver is not going to realize that I am valuing their time more than mine. I have decided that this is a good test of integrity for me. Plus, I fail at this test of integrity each and every time I am on the road. Old habits are hard to break. I am constantly having to pray that God will make me more respectful of other drivers by bringing this to mind. There is nothing more humbling than realizing that you are not a person of integrity because you fail to put the morals and values you claim to practice when no one is looking.

I pledge to make a conscience effort to be a more loving driver on the road. I pledge to try not to value my time above the time of the other drivers. I know I will fail at this almost daily causing me to realize my need for a Savior. I confess that for years I did not realize how sinful my driving was. It scares me to think that there are other areas of my life as simple as driving where I am unconscious of the sin. Because of this I am more thankful of God's grace and conviction as the little sins come to light to be dealt with.

Preschoolers and Missions

I have the privilege each Sunday of teaching 4-5 year olds in Sunday school. This can be a challenge since the curriculum ordered by the church leaves much to be desired and because the audience is 4-5. I decided a few weeks ago to try something new. Actually the idea is really, really old. Instead of reading just the watered down, sanitized version provided by Lifeway, I have started reading the stories out of the Bible. Sometimes I have to stop and explain a word or concept. Sometimes I quickly read through a concept I do not want to explain (i.e., the woman at the well's living with someone she was not married to). I have found this approach to lead to some of the biggest changes in how the 4-5 year olds understand the stories and apply them to their lives.

For example, I have several groups of friendships in the class where the friends were treating each other more like enemies. One Sunday I was tired of having to scold the children for the ways they were talking to their friends. One of the books in the classroom had pictures to go along with the concepts that Jesus taught in the Sermon on the Mount about loving enemies. It was almost word for word from the Sermon on the Mount with a few words brought down to their level. I gathered the students and read to them about loving enemies. The children were surprised to see what Jesus said about loving enemies and that we are supposed to treat people the way that we want to be treated.

I have this thing against making children share because I believe that it teaches children an entitlement mentality, increases selfishness in the asker, and is not a realistic preparation for adult living because I, as an adult, do not have to share. To put this simply, I do not like whining children who are trying to manipulate the sharing system to get what they want instead of learning patience being rewarded for the behavior by forcing another child to share. Are there times to share? Yes. Should teachers think about forcing children to share or even teaching them to share? Yes. I prefer to encourage the children to give the other children an opportunity to play with the toy. If they do not want to, I do not force them to give. I have noticed that this approach actually results in more "sharing" but with the children learning how joyful it is to give.

Once I was finished teaching about loving enemies, I observed the children. My form of discipline that day was simply "Is that how you would want him/her to talk to you?" When a child would ask another child for a toy, I would ask the asking child, "Would you want him to ask you for the toy if you were playing with it?" Then I began to notice something strange. The child playing with the toy would give the other child more than the child asked for, a concept clearly taught by Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount. I also noticed that all of the children started talking to their friends better. Clearly, if we are to love our enemies, we are to love our friends. It was exciting to see this change. Plus the change has continued and some of the children are still talking nicely to their friends and getting along with everyone better.

This Sunday's lesson was the woman at the well. Again, I read the story to them from the Bible stopping to explain different things. At the end of the lesson we were discussing how the woman at the well would have been considered an enemy of Jesus and his people because she was a Samaritan. Something happened that I never anticipated. I was talking about Jesus showing love to His enemy by taking the time to talk to her and to share with her about who He is. One of the little boys said, "But if we have to tell our enemies about Jesus, we have to tell the whole world!" Yes, my dear friend, yes! You understand! Using God's word to teach led to four and five year olds understanding it is necessary to do missions. Of course one little girl made it clear that she is not going to the world with the message of God's love, and I hope to be able to remind her of that as I contribute to a mission trip to Africa in fifteen years so that she can see how God changed her heart. A simple lesson in loving your enemies led to missions. I am excited to see where God takes us next!

Blog Dump

I go through phases in my blogging. Sometimes I have lots I want to write, but no time to write it. Other times I have lots of time, but nothing comes to mind to write. Here recently, I have had many things on my mind, but I have been waiting for the right time to write about them. Some may never make it to the blog. Others have been drafted and redrafted in my head many times and are almost ready. There are also ideas that pop into my head that act like they must be written about immediately. When I go through dry spells on the blog, it seems that several of those events occur all at once. This week might be a writing week. You may not hear from me for months afterward. This is not an apology for lack of blogging ... or an excuse. It is just an explanation of how my brain works.