The Least of These

Every community has its own person that qualifies as a "least of these." Think about your family and I am sure you can think of at least one. If you are employed at a big enough organization or interact with enough people, you know a least of these. They are at your church, the parent of your son's team mate, the person you see at the grocery store. There is that person that everyone is as nice as they can be to them for short periods of time, but you can see them planning their escape. Tonight I sought out a least of these.

I could tell she was one almost right away. She was awkward. She was hard to understand. She was not voluntarily going to go away. She also had these Bible quiz cards in her purse and proceeded to quiz me for quite a few minutes (talk about pressure!). But I saw something else for the first time. I was an outsider making a first impression and the community that this least of these belonged to was watching me. They might not want to take the time with her, but they sure did not want to see anyone mistreat her. I made sure that they saw me intentionally not walking away. I was trying to be patient and really listen to what she was saying. I had to separate at one point, but I imagined what someone might be thinking if they were still watching. Look, she could not even stand her for long, how could she love her? I really doubt that is what anyone was really thinking, but they could have been. So I made the decision to seek her out. Not only did I find her again, I sat down. I remembered her name. I remembered something that she had said about her family earlier. From what I pieced together, she had an incredible story but just lacked the ability to tell it in a way that made sense. I did things that I usually am not able to do because I truly believe that God wanted to teach me a lesson with this precious least of these woman. If that community was watching, and if my experiences have taught me anything it is that you are always being watched, they saw that people from our church, including me, were showing love to the least of these. They saw that we were different because we really were interested in their lives. We made it a point to be friendly. We cared about more than physical food. We cared about them.

I promised my new friend that I would see her again. I intend to keep that promise. I am sure it was heard by more than just her and they are wondering if I meant it. I did. I want to go back. With God's help, I will remember her name. With God's help, I will remember a detail from her life that she told me tonight. In reality we are all a least of these at some point in our lives, but we have a God who loves the least of these. He chooses the least of these to carry out His plan so that it does not make sense to the world and He gets the credit. I am a proud member of the least of these and I am even more proud to have a new friend who is created in His image and who God used as an unexpected blessing because I was willing to pay attention to a "least of these." May He bless her as I have been blessed by meeting her tonight.

Be Intentional About Creating Intergenerational Friendships

As a young person who has a gift of obtaining and retaining knowledge, especially theological knowledge, I can fall into the temptation that I have this life on earth figured out and do not need help. I could not be more wrong. I would not know this if I did not feel convicted to be intentional about creating intergenerational relationships. I want to encourage all younger than fifties to find several older than fifties friends to live life with on a deeper level. I attended the funeral of a patriarch of his family and church this week. As I looked at those who were attending the visitation and funeral, I could not help but see the intergenerational mix that was present because this man had been intentional in creating friendships with many generations. He believed in living out the Titus 2 life and teaching young men how to become men of faith. He left a long line of godly men behind him and gave us hope for the future of male leadership in the church because he invested so much of himself in those younger than him. Since I was born into the church, I also could name older, godly men that had invested in him and taught him. What a beautiful thing to see that God has been faithful to provide a line of godly men in our church that ran through him, but it looks like, by God's grace and the obedience of His servants, is not going to end with him. Last year since I had a child living with me and this summer since I had multiple children living with me, I tended to think that I did not have time for many things. I was wrong. The problem is that I did not make time. I ended up spending more time than I had planned at the house of one of the ladies in the church. I was having problems with the child who was living with me and it seemed like nothing worked. It turns out that this lady had also been a single mother (and I knew that) and had some of the same problems with her son. She had many words of encouragement to offer, not just advice. I left thinking how in the church we seem to think that we need to pretend our child does not have problems or that our child is the only one with these problems. Guess what. In a church the size of ours someone else has struggled with the same issues we have with our child. Try to find that wealth of wisdom and encouragement. Older ladies whose children are grown, volunteer in the children and preschool ministries so you can spot that parent and child. Young mothers need encouragement and ideas. Give the encouragement first and ideas when asked. I know that as soon as encouragement was offered, I asked advice! So many times we say, "I do not have time." Guess what - many older ladies do have time and are willing to love on you and your kids while helping you. Seek out a second mother or adoptive grandmother for your children. Invite them to events so that there can be a second set of eyes on your child who love your child. Invite them over for dinner and let them help you prepare it. Cooking is much more fun with two instead of one. By the same token, older ladies, bake an extra loaf of bread and take it over. Cook a big pot of soup and call a younger lady up to ask if her and her family would like to help you eat some of it (boy, did I enjoy those surprise meals last year!). Now single friends, I am not going to leave you out. Guess what - you can do it too, even without experience with children of your own. Your schedule is a little more free to spend that extra time with someone older or younger. Learn to cook and share with a young family. Be the extra set of eyes on children and learn to love them. Go to visitations and funerals. Quick side note - I am glad that I was trained to go to visitations and funerals. I do not know if it is a Southern thing or a church thing or maybe even an American thing. What I do know is that I am encouraged to see young families bringing children to the funeral home with them and teaching them to show compassion for the family. Death is a part of life and should be taught in an age appropriate way to children. Also, compassion is learned and it is a great opportunity to teach compassion. Back to the topic at hand. Learn a craft and help others do it. Like to scrapbook? Find that mother in the church who is sending her child to kindergarten but still working on the baby book and help her with it. More can get done with an extra set of hands and extra eyes on the kids! Titus 2 tells us that we are to live our lives as teachers to the next generation. It is not too early to start. Our legacy is to lead to the glory of God and His faithfulness. He is faithful to create generations who follow Him when the generation before is obedient and faithful. One final thought - there is a period in your life where you are likely investing in the generation you are raising. That should be the priority for a while before you take on a mentoring role. Just know that there is an empty-nester out there who can help you make it through this time. There is a widow whose family has moved off and she wants nothing more than to be a doting grandmother to your children. There is a couple who wants to open their homes and hearts on a regular basis to your family. Make time for that. You may be called to minister to them through an illness, but also be the encouragement to them that they have left a long line of godly men and women who are going to faithfully serve once they are at rest in the arms of Jesus. What an encouragement the younger generation can be to those who are at the end of life and concerned that the work of the gospel may not continue. Be faithful and love others. Be humble and learn from others/teach others. When you are serving, bring someone else along with you to learn by example. Live out your theology instead of just learn about it. Once we learn to make time for others, we will figure out that we have time for what is important and will experience the blessing of living life together from the cradle to the grave.

Why I Vote for Life

Some of you will wonder why I am writing this blog post after the election. I have been thinking about the subject for several weeks now and trying to determine the best way to articulate my views so that anyone can understand why I choose life over other social justice issues when I vote. Once I had determined how to articulate my position, I saw how negative people were being in social media, especially those on my friend lists, and I decided to post after we knew the results. I am a single issue voter. I determine my position in any given election for any candidate based solely on that person's position regarding abortion. I know that this seems irresponsible or irrational to some/most of you. However, I feel that this is the most biblical position to take. It is my conviction. The Bible is clear that the life of a child begins at conception. It is not a gray area. The stories of Jacob and Esau, Samson, David, Jeremiah, John the Baptist, and ultimately Jesus (to name a select few) all support the position that life begins before the baby is born. Therefore, any abortion is the killing of a life. It is murder. Even worse, it is murder based on selfish and sinful decisions. I have not heard a case made for a selfless abortion. In case some of you are going to argue about the quality of life in the case of severe physical or mental disabilities, who are we to judge the quality of life that a person can have? We know that all life is precious. Plus, a doctor cannot really predict the potential of a child before it is born. In the case of rape, why should the child be killed for the sins of the father? Think of how special it could be to tell the child that what their father meant for evil, God meant for good. Finally the health of the mother is cited quite a bit as well. The problem with that justification is shouldn't a parent be willing to die to give their child an opportunity to live? It seems that abortion points to heart problems and often results from a mother finding herself in a scary place and making a decision that is difficult, yet sinful. Thank God that He is able to forgive and restore women who have made the decision! The Bible is also clear that the government and society is not to oppress the poor and is to take care of the widows and orphans. Poverty alleviation is a biblical goal for the government. I believe that many of my friends who chose other social issues over abortion are seeking to fulfill the biblical mandate to help the poor. I think that the problem with the governmental structure currently in place in our country is that it is set up as relief instead of developmental and therefore further oppresses the poor by making them dependent on the government for survival. Since it will take too much space to explain what I mean, I would refer anyone interested in reading about relief and recovery versus developmental and how relief becomes oppressive in the book called When Helping Hurts. It is not an attack on the American welfare system (in case that scares some away), but more of an attack on how Christians have been assisting the poor at a church level. Knowing what I believe, I have to choose between the pro-life stance on the right and the social issues stance on the left. I have chosen to vote life over social justice. I cannot legally prevent a woman from having an abortion to protect the life of the unborn child without the help of the government. I can counsel. I can pray. I can offer resources. However, the decision is ultimately up to the woman, and I believe that abortion is like any murder and therefore should be legislated as illegal. The child should not die for the sins of the parents. It is as simple as that. Poverty and social issues are different. I can do my part to alleviate the poverty of some or all of the persons I encounter. I can feed the hungry and clothe the naked. I can open my home to provide a place for someone to stay. Some in poverty are reaping the consequences of their choices in life. For those, I should show mercy where appropriate. Some are in the situation due to circumstances beyond their control, and for those I should be an instrument of justice. I cannot support a government system that is oppressive to those in poverty. The current system keeps the impoverished in poverty because they are constantly in fear of making too much money to have the benefits taken away instead of learning and taking pride in living independent of government assistance. I do not know the answer to welfare reform. What I do know is that I am responsible as a human being and a Christian for each person in poverty that I meet and therefore I have to do my part. I also know that the government has to have something in place to keep from oppressing its citizens. Politicians cannot buy the votes of babies with benefits like they can the votes of the poor and oppressed. I often feel like my vote is being bought with a promise to protect the life of the unborn, but I would prefer to err on the side of standing against murder and using other means to alleviate poverty. Social justice issues are not as clear cut as abortion. If I am ever presented with two pro-life candidates for president, I will be forced to think deeper about social and economic plans. Until then, I will continue to vote on the single issue and the party that is most likely to defeat the party taking the opposite stance, whether that be Republican, Democrat, Libertarian or some other independent candidate. I will also continue to try to alleviate the stresses of poverty for the impoverished I encounter. Finally, I will put my hope in God instead of the government because He is the only one who can provide for my daily needs whether He chooses to use the government or some other means. If I put my hope in politics or religion instead of God, I am putting my hope in the wrong place and sinning. If I have a selfish motive instead of a pure motive, I am sinning. I only pray that my motives can be pure and I can walk this journey staying true to my convictions so long as they line up with God's word. The methods used can be disagreed upon at times, but the biblical mandates remain the same - to do justice, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with our God.

Forgiveness

I have probably written on the topic of forgiveness before, but since unforgiveness continually pops up in this life, I can never write enough about forgiveness. Forgiveness is one of those lessons that is painful to learn because it can only be learned by forgiving. You have to be sinned against in order to learn to forgive. In our human relationships, we are constantly being sinned against and sinning against others. Some sins are more painful than others. Some betrayals run deep. At some point we are all faced with the need to forgive.

There is a common misconception in the idea of forgiveness. I have noticed that us humans tend to see forgiveness as something we do for ourselves. We think that we need to forgive to keep ourselves from becoming bitter. We think we need to forgive to heal our own hearts. Although a true attitude of forgiveness will result in a healed heart, this is not the purpose of forgiveness. The purpose of forgiveness is to restore our relationship with God.

When we have an attitude of unforgiveness, our heart is sinning against God. Our heart is telling God that the sin someone else committed against us is worse than the sins we have committed against God. We put our pride ahead of God. We fail to see the correct perspective of our own sins. The absolute worst sin someone has committed against you cannot compare to the sins you commit against God on a day to day basis. This is a difficult realization to come to when you are on the path to forgiving others. No human wants to admit or even come face to face with the magnitude of the sin that we commit against God. However, when we have a heart of unforgiveness, we are sinning against God. The bitterness and discontent in an unforgiving heart comes because our heart is sinning against God. Unforgiveness affects our relationship with God. We cannot draw close to Him because we are not being honest about our own sinfulness.

Forgiveness is not easy. It is never easy to confront your own sinfulness so that you can put the sins of the other person in perspective. The Holy Spirit must give a spirit of conviction and humility to the person seeking to forgive. It is not a pleasant process, but it is a process that leads to a closer relationship with God. Only then can the heart begin to heal because the most special relationship is being restored. Only then can the Holy Spirit begin to reconcile relationships. Only then will the forgiver reap the benefits of the forgiveness. So yes, forgiveness is the only way to make yourself feel better, but it is not the purpose of forgiveness. Forgiveness has to flow from a heart of gratitude towards God for His willingness to forgive us when we have sinned against Him.

Trayvon Martin

This post is barely coherent, and if I took more time, I could probably make it make sense. One of the things that has struck me about the Trayvon Martin story is that it seems too many (mostly white) people are refusing to see one of the real issues in this case. A black boy who was doing nothing wrong was basically chased by a man who thought he was doing wrong based on an irrational fear. Although I understand that there may have been some illegal activity in the area in the past, this man chased this boy down instead of allowing law enforcement to check the boy out. The boy was guilty only of walking to the corner store to buy a snack in the rain, and wearing a hoodie to do it.

This police department failed both the victim and Zimmerman by failing to treat the investigation as a homicide until the defense of self-defense was proven. Self-defense is just that - a defense to a killing. The investigation should have been conducted as if there was a homicide, and leave it to the DA or a jury of Zimmerman's peers to determine if there is a sufficient self-defense argument to determine if the case should be thrown out. This police department acted as a jury and accepted the credibility of Zimmerman on the scene instead of collecting evidence. Now Zimmerman is being tried in the court of public opinion, which is never a good court to be tried in. Martin was failed by the police department because he was treated differently than another victim would have been treated.

One thing that I think that most white people do not understand is how they react when they see a black man or teen walking around them. Do you pull your purse closer to yourself when you see a black man but not when you see a white man? Do you automatically assume that a black person walking through your neighborhood is up to no good but do not think twice about the white person? Those actions are based on irrational fears of a person who is different from you. If you are a white woman living in the South, a black man is very rarely going to do anything to you because they understand that it would be a max sentence if they did. You do not need to fear "them." They may speak to hit on you, so just politely respond declining the advances. Do not fear someone just because of their race! It is ok to watch someone you do not know in your neighborhood to make sure they are not up to something, but it is not ok to track them down with a gun so that an altercation ensues and someone ends up dead. It is ok to be vigilant, but not ok to have irrational fears that someone is up to no good because they are dressed in a hoodie or any other way.

I realize that I come from an entirely different perspective than most people I know because of my life experiences. I cannot help but think though that one of my innocent boys (and I have a few of those) could easily be Trayvon. My boys look like him. My boys walk to the corner store for snacks like him. My boys even wear hoodies in the rain like him. My boys would probably fight if they were followed like him. The police department probably would not do as thorough of an investigation if they were shot like him. If the tables were flipped and one of them followed Zimmerman and acted as Zimmerman did, there is not a doubt in my mind that a proper investigation and arrest would have occurred at that time. Our society values certain lives above others, and you can see it the most when those who are valued least are victims instead of perpetrators. It is time to do a reality check as a whole and start addressing the irrational fears. I think some are learning from Trayvon, and at least his death will not be in vain if some change their irrational fears. Justice will not be served because we are humans living in a fallen world. However, maybe change will come in the way that certain victims are treated and how some laws are applied. And maybe we can overcome some of our irrational fears and not take matters into our own hands.

Prison

One thing that hit me today as I read a letter from prison quoting Paul who wrote the verse quoted while in prison was that we benefited from Paul's imprisonment. If it were not for the imprisonments that Paul experienced, he probably would not have slowed down long enough to write letters. Paul was able to devote the time to writing letters because he had time on his hands. He was not preparing for the next sermon or dealing with church issues, but was able to devote time to the letters and to conversation with those around him at the jail. I am sure that I have heard this before in sermons, but it is something that seems to be more clear to me today.

One thing that prison gives a person time to do is think. One of the things that I think some of my boys needed was time to think. In the past when they have started thinking, they have done things to try to push out the thoughts. Although some of those things are still around in prison, they seem to be concentrating on good time more than trying to dull any pain. One of the brothers of both Guy and James are in jail right now. I heard from both this week. Their letters have a much different tone than the boys I saw before they went to jail. One thing I noticed in both - hope. They have thought about the future, and are planning for it. I think that one of them is finally ready to leave the old life completely behind. I pray that he continues toward his goals. I know that I am grateful for the words I have read this week. I am also glad that they know that there is still someone who has hope for them as well. I love my boys!

Something Changed

The biggest change I think I have experienced between Guy's murder and James' murder - I don't even care who the shooter(s) is/are or whether they are ultimately tried for the crime. It is sometimes easier to not know and not put a face on the killer. I have barely given the shooter(s) any thought except to think about how I am not thinking about them this time.

I remember telling my pastor this summer that sometimes when a family learns who committed the murder, it is more difficult to deal with the death. When a family in our church learned who the murder was of their family members, that was proven true for them. It was true for me when Guy was murdered. I hope I never learn who did it to James because of the extra layer of emotions that it causes. His death is hard enough to deal with without knowing.

Six Flags 2002

If there was one day I wish I could have captured on video so that I could watch it over and over again, it would be the day that the Center kids went to Six Flags in 2002. I remember bits and pieces of that day. I ended up with a group of four boys - I always get along with the boys better. One in my group was too short to ride many of the rides. I noticed his pouty-ness and decided I would not ride the ride if he could not ride it. I spent a lot of time with him that day. I also made the rule that we had to alternate rides between the ones he could ride and the ones he could not. My reward was some hand holding and lots of smiles. He was my buddy that day. My little sidekick. He was one sweet little boy.

Later the younger kids went back to the Center and I volunteered to stay with the teens. I assumed the older kids would not want me around. I was wrong. When they saw me they asked where I had been, and forced me to walk around riding rides with them. I say forced - I am sure I was easy to convince. One of the boys made me sit on the outside of him on a spinning ride. This resulted in him being pressed up against me for the entire ride. Another boy kept saying he felt like he was going to be sick causing me and my ride partner to laugh so hard we were almost crying. We got along that night. We were friends.

Now both of my ride buddies are gone. I said goodbye to the teenager - Guy - almost three and a half years ago. My short boy grew up - taller than me, but did not get to become a man. I will be saying goodbye to James this weekend. There is one day in my memory that unites them and it was that day at Six Flags. Sure, I remember them being around me together at other times, but this day was a special day. I am thankful for the precious memories. I am thankful for that day at Six Flags nine years ago. For the moment, it feels like it was yesterday.

James Wells

May 1, 1994 - August 26, 2011

The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord. Job 1:21b

Camelbak Water Bottle

I am not an environmentally concerned person. I am not one to really worry about the amount of trash I have. I do not recycle regularly even though that is available here. However, since becoming self-employed, I realized I was going through WAY too many bottles of water. While at the firm, I had a seemingly unlimited supply of cold water that claimed to be spring water and had very little taste. I do not like the taste of the tap water here so I became a bottled water addict once I entered the world of self-employment. I began to notice that I had too many water bottles everywhere waiting for the next trash day or recycling, and I would refrain from drinking water just because I did not want to throw away more bottles.

One day while shopping Target I ran across this water bottle:



I bought it on a whim, and I have been pleased with the purchase ever since. Due to its price and the price of the filters, I don't think it is cheaper (or it will take a while for it to be cheaper) than bottled water. However, I have noticed my water consumption returning to the pre-self-employment levels. The water tastes filtered coming from the bottle. The bottle is a convenient size. The filters supposedly last three months, and my experience has been that it was pretty close to the three month range before the taste suffered, and I think I used the first filter exactly three months (bought in late March/early April and changed in July). The filter system is easy to use. I have carried this bottle on trips, to camp, and all over the house. It is definitely a good alternative to drinking lots of bottled water. I still keep bottled water around for guests or to make Crystal Light since it is the act of using the straw to take a drink that filters the water. Additionally, the Camelbak, since it is a filter, is not made for flavored drinks, just water. Overall if you are a water drinker, I highly recommend this water bottle. I think it is worth the price for a single person drinking 3-4 bottles of water every day.

*The picture is a link to the Amazon listing for this water bottle. I bought mine at Target for a little bit more than this one, but I did not have to wait for it to ship. Also, my bottle is the charcoal bottle instead of like the one in the picture.

Homemade Refried Black Beans

I am a huge fan of black beans. I put them in almost everything. Today I decided to make refried beans with a can of black beans I had. All you have to do is mash them up and season them, right? Actually, yes that is all it took, and they tasted better than what you get out of a can!

Ingredients

1/4 an onion, chopped
1-2 teaspoons of garlic
1 can of black beans, mostly drained
1/2 small can of chiles
2 tablespoons chili powder
1-2 tablespoons cumin
1/2 teaspoon cayenne
Salt
Freshly ground pepper

Instructions

Spray pan with generous amount of cooking spray. Heat on medium and add onion and garlic to the pan cooking until the onions are softened. Push the onions to the side of the pan and add a spoonful of black beans. Let the beans sizzle for a few seconds, then mash with a potato masher. Stir together with the onions, push to the side, and repeat until all the beans have been added. Add the chiles and send through the masher again. Add the spices, simmer, then serve.

I don't really measure my spices, so these measurements are a suggestion. They are the approximate amounts that I used, and my beans were good and spicy. If you have a sensitive tongue, you may want to cut down on the chili powder and chile peppers. If you can take the heat, add the whole can. The nice thing about homemade refried beans is that the spices and the taste are up to you.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Signature Meatloaf

Meatloaf may be the ultimate comfort food. Having a meatloaf recipe to fall back on is almost as important as having a stocked spice pantry ... or toilet paper in the bathroom. I am exaggerating a little, although for someone like me who loves meatloaf, but is also picky about the taste of it, it is pretty close. I have worked and worked on creating a meatloaf recipe that I could remember without a recipe and could make regularly without worrying about how it is going to taste. I have looked at many different meatloaf recipes, and I finally decided that the recipes are just inspiration instead of to be followed exactly. Saturday I finally came up with something that is quite possibly the best meatloaf I have ever tasted. Meatloaf is one of those things that you might think your recipe is the best, but someone else may not share your opinion because taste in meatloaf is so personal. Gather a group of moms together to share their recipes, and you will probably discover the same number of recipes as the number of persons present.

Here is my signature meatloaf recipe:

1 lb ground turkey
2 lbs extra lean ground pork
1 small onion, chopped
1 can of Italian bread crumbs
1 lb (minus a little) shredded cheddar cheese
1-1/2 cups of ketchup (eyeballed instead of measured)
3/4 of a small can of sundried tomato pesto (but save the rest)
1 small can of tomato paste
1 onion, sliced

Combine the first 7 ingredients in the same way you always do when you make a meatloaf. The longer you work with it, the better it combines. Plus, no matter how nasty it is, you really do need to use your hands. Form into a loaf. Meanwhile, put a layer of onions in the bottom of the pan/crockpot for the meat to lay on (to keep the bottom from burning and to soak up the cheese and meat grease). Put the loaf on the bed of onions, and place some slices at the edges too if the loaf is leaning on any edges. Cook like you would any meatloaf (3-4 hours on high in the crockpot). Combine the remaining tomato pesto with the tomato paste and spread on the loaf halfway through cooking (or at the beginning if you like it burnt). Cook until the middle is 165 degrees so you can eat it cold the next day (you know you like cold meatloaf almost as much as you like warm meatloaf).

I do not know if it was the ground pork or the Italian spices that sent this meatloaf over the top for me. Maybe it was the cheese. I am thinking about using Italian cheeses the next time I make it to see if it tastes good that way too. However, it was perfect made this way ... for me at least. I am so happy to have found my signature meatloaf! Feel free to try my recipe and mix it up. Make it your own. Get to work on your signature meatloaf recipe!

Things I never thought I would say or do as a lawyer

I may or may not have recently told a client that donating plasma is a great way to raise money to buy a bus pass so that transportation would no longer be an issue. And to donate around court time so that a taxi could be hired.

I may or may not have recently said to a judge, "Please don't tell me that my client tried to use a whizzinator!" Judge's response, "Well, close. They made their own." [If you look up whizzinator, beware - don't say I didn't warn you! I first learned about these in a drug education course, so someone else had already looked it up!]

I may or may not have recently said that I was not going to starve no matter how good the person's case was just because they could not pay me the low price I was asking.

I may or may not have recently argued custody of a dog in a CPS case ... and won. Even worse, the parent was more upset that the custody of the dog was decided than that the temporary custody of the children was decided.

I may or may not have recently attempted 16 hearings in two counties on the same day. Although I prepared for 16, I ended up handling only 12 in two counties on the same day. Still an exhausting day!

I may or may not have recently decided to take a nap during the middle of the day, resulting in the need to work until 8 or 9 that night. Self-employment rocks!

Dealing with the Pro Se Opponent

While at the firm, I ran across pro se litigants very rarely, in part because I was not doing as much family law. Now I am running into more and more pro se parties on the other side. I think there are certain rules that need to be communicated to those who want to have themselves for a client:

(1) Rule #1: Do not expect everyone else to do your work for you. It is your job to draft, your job to read what is sent, your job to understand it. If it has legalese in it, go look it up in a legal dictionary. If it quotes a statute, go look it up because most statutes are online for free. If you are not going to hire an attorney, you need to be prepared to put in the work that an attorney would put in because no one is going to do the work for you.

(2) Rule #2: Opposing counsel is not there to do you favors. Just because you think the outcome is wrong does not mean you should call the attorney on the other side and try to change their minds. In fact, the outcome was probably pretty favorable to the attorney's client, and it would be malpractice for the attorney to suddenly take your side. It is the Court you have to convince, not opposing counsel.

(3) Rule #3: Do not call during the height of your emotional outburst. You are not thinking rationally, so it is impossible for the attorney to communicate with you. I get that you are mad, feel like the system failed, feel that Goliath beat David, feel that I used my influence to push things through, but there is nothing I am going to do about it. In fact most of the time opposing counsel will start trying to use a rational argument with the pro se litigant, then give up and resort to either yelling or silence. Silence is my tactic of choice.

(4) Rule #4: Do not lie about something that can be independently verified. Attorneys specialize in paperwork. Chances are the attorney has the paperwork to prove that you are lying. It is also quite possible that the attorney has the credibility with the Court necessary to just show the paperwork.

(5) Rule #5: Read what you sign. You cannot use the defense, "well s/he told me that signing this would make such and such occur." Have you ever considered that the person giving you this advice is going up against you in the matter?

(6) Rule #6: Stop quoting this mysterious "lawyer" who is supposedly reading the paperwork and giving you advice. For one, this person rarely exists. Making up a "lawyer" is not going to cause the lawyer to start questioning his or her capability on a case. If the person does exist, they are probably giving free advice and therefore, not that great of advice. Just because a person has a JD after their name does not mean that they know all the nuances of the area of law you are asking them about. Bankruptcies attorneys may know nothing about family law except what they learned in law school 20 years ago and vice versa. (Same thing goes for doctors too!) Also, if you are not paying them for research, they probably are not researching your issue to find out if what you are saying is correct. Finally, they probably have not heard the whole story because that would probably take a minimum of an hour to tell, and most of us are too busy to give an hour. When you quote the mysterious "lawyer," this is what I am thinking and I am sure other attorneys are thinking the same thing.

(7) Rule #7: Come to Court. I follow the rule that even if a waiver is signed, I give notice of hearings. I also, when the person is not represented by an attorney, try to make that waiver as favorable to the pro se litigant as possible. Why? Because the pro se person never comes to Court, and is always unhappy with what the judge decides because they were not their to tell their side. The State of Texas tells me that when you sign a waiver, I provide you notice, you do not agree with the proposed order, and you do not show, then I can proceed and my client is going to be able to talk about whatever s/he wants to talk about which may or may not result in an order that is less favorable to you than the one I sent to you. The main place this comes up is child support. If there is no agreement, there is going to be child support entered because I am not going to present the evidence as to why child support should not be entered. Doing so might result in my client having a complaint against me, and I am there to represent my client. This can all be avoided if the pro se litigant would just show up to Court.

(8) Rule #8: Dress appropriately. If you are representing yourself, it is probably smart to dress the part. A suit is a good idea. Caring enough to wear a suit gives the appearance of preparation even if you do not know what you are doing. This goes even for clients who are represented by counsel because club attire is not appropriate for Court. Also, undergarments should be worn to Court.

(9) Rule #9: Do not talk back to the Court. It is amazing how disrespectful some pro se litigants are towards the Court. The person in the black robe is not like your mother and father who you could run all over. S/He is not like your teacher at school who was confined to certain discipline methods. S/He can throw you in jail. S/He can take away your access to your children. S/He can fine you money. You had better be nice to the Court!

(10) Rule #10: Since you are not my client, I do not have to talk to you every time you call. This may be more of a personal rule than an across the board rule. I try to be respectful and call you back, but when the conversations are not productive, cost my client money, and start numbering three to four a day, I am going to start ignoring one or two of them. You can correspond with me in writing if you want to get your point across because thirty minutes of ranting or arguing just waste my time. My duty is not to you.

I understand that lawyers are pricey. I truly believe that a citizen can go into court and represent themselves if they are willing to put the time and effort into being an expert on their case. It is probably more advisable to have a lawyer because the law is technical. There is a reason that I had to go to extra school and pay thousands of dollars. If you make the choice to represent yourself, understand that legal work is time consuming and requires research and paperwork. Be willing to put forth the effort so that you are respectful of the Court and opposing counsel. The statutes can be found for free on the Internet so start with those instead of a general legal help site that is not state specific. Whatever you do, if you are going to say that opposing counsel or the Court is wrong, be ready to back it up with statute or evidence following the correct procedure instead of complaining once the order is complete. These are just a few tips for those brave enough to represent themselves so that they do not also represent a fool.

Being Sensitive to Suffering

I have clearly seen throughout my adult life how God usually prepares us to go through the things we go through. I feel like God gives us little warnings before the unexpected happens. Maybe it is more of a benefit of a life of discipline. When we are disciplined enough to be faithful to the study of God's word, we can find ourselves prepared.

I have been going through a 2 Thessalonian precept study. I did not really want to do 2 Thessalonian this spring, but I feel that when the opportunity presents itself, and there are no other ministries that take priority over a Bible study, you should do it. This week's study was over the first chapter. One of the insights I had while studying the first chapter, reading verses on suffering and affliction, and looking up the Greek definitions of the words is that suffering is much deeper than just suffering ridicule for the sake of the gospel. It comes from Christians and non-Christians alike when you are being obedient to God's word. You will take actions that no one understands when you are being obedient. Part of obedience is getting involved in people's lives to the point that when they suffer, you suffer with them. We limit suffering for the sake of the gospel when I think it is a little broader when we are loving our neighbor and getting involved in their lives.

For example, Jesus befriended Mary, Martha and Lazarus. He was involved in their lives. Lazarus got sick and died, and Jesus suffered. He was grieved by the pain of His friends Mary and Martha even though He knew that God would be glorified in Lazarus' resurrection in the end. He was sensitive to their suffering even though He knew the outcome. He ministered to them in their grief. He went through this grief for the sake of the gospel. Ultimately God was glorified.

Yesterday, I received news that my little guy in New Orleans lost almost everything in a fire that completely destroyed their apartment. By completely, I mean that no possession other than a few shoes in the back of the closet seem recognizable. Even though I knew that God would provide for them and that things will probably be better for them in the end, there is still a sensitivity to their suffering that must be shown. It breaks my heart to think of some of the things that they have lost. Some of it can sort of be replaced such as pictures because I have most of the pictures anyway and clothes and toys and books, but there are also those things that cannot be replaced. When you get caught up in someone's life, you have to be willing to suffer with them. You have to be ready to sacrifice something of yourself. You have to be ready to grieve. Even though no one ridiculed my faith or held a gun to my head, I believe that it was a day of suffering for the gospel. If I did not love my little guy and his mother, I would have just thought it was a sad situation, but not allowed it to disrupt my life. Instead, so that God may be glorified, I allowed myself to suffer with them. I could show them love through actions, not just words of comfort. Even better, not too long after I received news of the fire, I received an e-mail from a friend I have not heard from in months on the subject of suffering. God is so good to us!

American Idol 2011 - My Thoughts So Far

I thought after the first week that I would not watch this season. I could not stand Steven Tyler as a judge. Still cannot, which I know puts me in the minority. However, I have been able to look past him and enjoy the season so far. The main reason I was able to look past him - Jordan Dorsey. He was the first featured auditioner for the New Orleans audition. I liked him then, I like him now. Yes, he is diva like, or was portrayed that way during the Hollywood round. However, he is good.

Also, who is this Paul McDonald guy and why do I not know more about him? All of a sudden it is like the producers said, wait a minute, we do not have much footage of this guy and he is going to the top twenty-four, so we had better get something put out there about him. I feel like I need to know more! His voice is mesmerizing, and I know no other way to describe it. I am glad we get to hear more, more, more. Of course he could totally bomb the live show and make me realize why we have not seen much of him.

I was sad to see John Wayne go, only because I thought he looked good in a cowboy hat. I think both cowboys should have stayed and let the guy who cut Jacee out of the group go. I do not care if the guy who shall not be named ends up having the most talent in the universe, I will not vote for him because of how he treated Jacee. He should have done the Jordan thing and left the group if he thought that Jacee was not a fit. My college roommate's little girl called Jacee the chubby Justin Bieber. I think that is fitting! As for the other cowboy, Scotty, I hope I never have to hear that song from him again and that he can now move on to something else!

As far as the girls go, I am not impressed with many. I like the young country chick named Lauren, but then she showed up dressed like cowgirl Barbie (the show's words, not mine). I usually feel this way about the girls at this point in the season, so there is still a chance I will be wowed.

I already have contestants that I cannot stand and make me feel the way Sanjaya made the world feel. I hope they go soon. I fear they will not. Although I agree that the guy's rendition of "God Bless the Child" was good, he has got to go! Nothing else he did was good. End of story. There is also he who must not be named. I also was not impressed like the judges were with Thia Magia or whatever her rhyming name is. I tend to agree more with the voice coach on that one. Her voice has a flatness in it that is just annoying!

Well, I hoped that this year might be the year I break my addiction, but I am hooked instead. I do think that there is a tremendous amount of talent this year. I think that it is going to be hard to forget some of the ones cut if they do come back next year to try out again like the judges seem to want (and the producers too because how can you forget Jacee ... although it will be interesting if his voice changes!). The show seems no better, no worse, which is saying a lot since I do miss Simon. I am glad that the show is finally out of the preliminary stuff and on to the singing competition. Let the real competition begin!

Excuses, Excuses

Whenever someone finds out that the part of my job that I enjoy the most is representing children in CPS cases, I am usually met with excuse after excuse after excuse. I think I am going to do a global response to the excuses, although I usually am much more politically correct when I actually respond to the person. Here is what I really wish I could say.

(1) Excuse #1: I could never do that, it would just be too hard.

I usually say, yes, it is hard. I still feel like I should do it anyway. What I really want to say is, if you think it is hard for you, think about the child that has no one to speak for them. Think about the child that has lived it. Might it be nice for that child to know that someone felt what happened to them was wrong? Might it be nice for the child to know that it is not their fault, and might you be able to tell them that? Might it be nice for the child to see that you cared enough to get involved when their parent does not even care enough to go to a few parenting classes and drug rehab? The child is going through things that adults want to close their eyes and ears to and that the child is not able to comprehend.

The right perspective to have is that it is a hard job that we are called to do. The Bible makes it very clear that Christians are to be the voice for the fatherless, the orphan, the oppressed. There are not outs. It is what God requires. It is not my command, but God's. This does not mean that the only way to help the fatherless, orphans, oppressed is by getting involved in some capacity in CPS cases. What this does mean is that if you look at your life and cannot see a way that you are helping the orphan and fatherless, you might be sinning. Although I have great respect for Compassion (and support some children myself), I think that this means more than just sending a check to an agency to do the work for you. I think it means getting involved and speaking out on behalf of the oppressed. For me, it means being an attorney for the children (and parents). For you, it might look like getting involved in CASA, volunteering to be checked into for a respite possibility for a person who is housing a child, or looking into fostering. It might even look like stepping in to help a family BEFORE the state comes in and befriending that family. Take some time to teach someone how to parent. Is it tough? Yes. Is it worth it? Yes, if for no other reason than knowing that you are in God's will because His scripture commands it.

(2) Excuse #2: I would just worry about the children all the time and be unable to sleep at night

I have had very few sleepless nights as a result of my CPS work. Part of the reason is that by the time that the case gets to me, the children are out of danger. Yes, I have feared for the children when the judge put them back with a parent. I also have called a caseworker to move the kids because I feared for their safety. When you are in the case, if you really fear for the child, you are able to do something about it. I guarantee you that I would lose more sleep from the realization that I am not in God's will than I lose knowing I am at least trying to fulfill His will. My response is usually that I sleep just fine, you learn to shut your brain off. What I wish I could say is how are you able to sleep when you are doing nothing and this is going on all around you? You should be the one losing sleep!

(3) Excuse #3: I do not have the time

I am usually pretty blunt with this one and suggest that the person find a way to make time, whether it be by volunteering one hour a month at a local pregnancy center, a little more to be a CASA volunteer, or donating some time to a local group home. I always emphasize the giving of time more than money in that situation. See I usually know that the person who says it religiously watches American Idol or Biggest Loser or some other TV show that takes at least an hour of their time each and every week. I do not usually get this excuse from the young mother who really does not have spare time and is raising her children in the way that God lays out in Scripture and truly may be in a season where sending the Compassion money and donation checks is how she is able to contribute.

(4) Excuse #4: If I helped out other kids, it would take something away from my own

My usual response is a faked, obviously lying, "I understand." I compound sin by sinning myself. Really, I do not understand. This is the excuse that gets under my skin the most. The reason it does is because those who say it are usually the people that are idolizing their children. They do not see themselves as idolizing their children. However, they are the ones that are posting tons of pictures of their own children in the best of clothes with the best of stuff taking the best vacations and bragging about the accomplishments of the children. The children become the center of the parents' universe. The children become even more important than God, often made clear by the parent choosing the child's activities over religious upbringing. I am not saying that if a parent has a hard time feeding their own child, that they should take a foster child in. I am saying that when a parent spends all of their time and energy and money on their child instead of teaching the child to do without in service to others, there is a problem. The children often grow up selfish and conceited and do not have a concept of sacrificing for the benefit of others.

I propose that families should evaluate whether fostering and adopting might be a way to put the gospel on display for natural born children. Instead of saying that it might take something away from the natural born children, families should look at how children might learn about the gospel through the family's actions. Christians are God's children by adoption. Think about how great it might be to show children about how God adopts us through an earthly adoption. If adoption is not the route that can be pursued for various valid reasons, consider at least teaching your children about the needs of the fatherless and orphans and oppressed and let them see what you are doing to help. It does not help your children for you to shelter them or even try to, especially when you send that child to public school. Guess what. There is a pretty good chance that your child is going to school with another child who is being abused, neglected, talking about drugs, using curse words all before the child is a teenager. Your children are exposed to it day in and day out. Teach them to be part of the solution.

If your sixteen year old son is on drugs, yes, you probably need to focus on that child. If your children are babies and toddlers, you probably are right that it may not be best to foster/adopt at that time.

(5) Excuse #5: There might be something wrong with the child and I do not know if I can handle it

I usually say, you are right but there are ways provided for you to handle it. If you are a CASA volunteer who finds yourself in over your head, there are others who are more experienced that can step in. If you are a foster parent who finds yourself in over your head, there are opportunities to change the child's level of care so that they can get the help they need. If you are a prospective adoptive parent, you will have the child in your home for six months (at a minimum) before the adoption will go through. I also hate to burst your bubble, but your natural born child can reject the morals and values he/she was raised under, and break your heart too. It is part of the sacrifice you make when you start to actually love by thinking of the other person's well being before your own. You may have to make some tough decisions that may include the child being outside of your home, but in some situations you can continue a relationship with the child even when you are unable to provide the forever home.

(6) Excuse #6: That is easy for you to say, you do not have children

I usually get this one when I have accidentally lost control of my tongue and said any of the what I really want to say in #1-5. I usually respond to this one with all honesty by saying, "You are right. I realize that if God blesses me with children, I am going to have the temptations to make any of these excuses about why I should not get involved. I can only thank God now that He has made it clear to me that it is a command, not an option, and it is His will. I also have to pray that if I do have children, God will guard me from the temptation to use any of the excuses for not getting involved. I also pray that if I ever stray from God's will in this matter, someone will have the courage to point out to me my sin. I may not take it well, I may be offended, but I still hope someone will point it out to me."

(7) Excuse #7: I am not called to do that kind of work

Yes, you are ... by God ... in the Bible. You are called to do justice, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with God. You are called to help the widow, orphan, fatherless, poor and oppressed. There are no exceptions given that I have found. You want to know God's will for your life? It says it in the scriptures by the type of things we are commanded to do. Stop waiting for a direct call, and start following commandments. It is as simple as that ... and often the direct call comes from the obedience.

I fully recognize that there are other places in scripture that I am not fully following the commands that God has laid out. However, I hope that I will not use the excuse, "That is not my calling." There are exceptions in Scripture for titles, but not lifestyles of obedience. I know there are areas I need to work on. I pray that I can stop making excuses in those areas. I also pray that I can continue to follow God's will in the areas I do recognize are part of His commandments, not suggestions.

Safety First?

One of the problems with the current state of the church is that churches are obsessed with safety. Members are willing to say that they would die for Jesus, but they are not willing to do things that would put them in the position to do it, all in the name of safety. There are certain parts of town that we cannot go to, even to share the gospel, because it is not safe. We cannot continue to have our building in that location because the neighborhood has gone downhill and our cars might get broken into.

There is another aspect of safety that I think is damaging the church even worse. This is safety in relationships. You see, when you start to spend time with people and dare to love them, you are inevitably going to get hurt. You might be hurt by something that they do. You might be hurt by something that they go through. People in the church seem unwilling to let people in, to spend time with people, to make friendships at church a priority. Sure, we claim to be friends because we look at their posts on Facebook and sit with them on Sunday morning and maybe even eat lunch together, but it does not go much beyond that. We do not take each other seriously. Instead we have created this false church friendship that might bring meals when you have surgery or comment on your Facebook posts with godly encouragement, but is not willing to get down to the sinful level of your life. We might even shed a tear or two about what the other person is going through. However, we do not take the time to make a real difference in the person's life. This is all another attempt to keep ourselves safe.

I struggle with actually making relationships meaningful. I think that we do not really love each other, even in the church. If we loved each other, we would make each other a priority. We would not abandon the person going through a tough time. I see glimpses of persons in the church actually showing love, and I am encouraged by it. However, I also see so many looking out for number one and wanting praise for what they do instead of being willing to be a friend without praise and recognition. You are supposed to be a friend even when it is hard. Even when the other person screws up. Even when the other person makes the same mistake over and over and over. I think that the problem we have with friendship, even in the church, is trying to figure out what is in it for us when we do have the friend. We want the friend that is going to remember our birthday and give us encouragement and call us for lunch. We do not want the friend that is going to expect us to do those things and give nothing in return. However, we should continue to be the friend even when we are used and neglected and taken advantage of because we should be in the friendship for the benefit of the other person. Think about how different our churches would look if we started looking at our relationships in how we could benefit the other person instead of how that person can benefit you. Think about how much deeper our friendships would go. Sure, you would end up with people in your life that would use you then reject you once they feel that your use is up. But you would also find diamond in the rough friendships where you least expect it. I pray that I can become more of that type of friend that does not value my own safety, physically and emotionally, above love.

Candy Making

During the extra day off that I was able to take at Christmas, I decided to start teaching myself how to make candy. I am not talking about the chocolate you pop in the microwave, stir some nuts into, and call it candy making. Although those treats are good, there is something even better about old fashioned candy making. It is a cooking art that is going out of style in exchange for quickness and convenience.

Candy making is time consuming. It is not necessarily hard, although I have ruined a few batches of fudge and toffee. It requires patience. Lots of patience. Too much patience in the case of the unruined batch of toffee that was not according to instructions but was SO good! When you have stirred the toffee for over an hour, you begin to wonder if it is worth it. It was. When you review the instructions and see that you were not supposed to stir it and decide to take the non-stir approach, it is not worth it. It comes out too hard. I know that now.

My mom likes to tell how my grandmother and a friend would get together and make candy at Christmas time. I think that is something we are missing as a society. Since we shortcut things like baking and candy making and want to use mixes and boxes and microwaves, we miss out on the fellowship that comes along with having the patience to stir the candy. I am on a mission to bring candy making back in fashion. I am trying to recruit family members at Christmas time and even some ladies at church to make this a fellowship time. For one, the old fashioned fudge that is hard and grainy takes a lot of arm strength to stir, and I think it should be a team effort. The finished product is worth it though.

My family now has a candy maker in it. I have successfully accomplished soft toffee, fudge, chocolate mint fudge (soft), and pralines. I am trying to perfect my technique on the soft toffee and the chocolate mint fudge (and try different flavors of fudge). I have even attempted crockpot candy (still working on that one too). I feel like the product of a previous generation, one that took the time to create something great instead of buying it at the nearest store or using a shortcut for something almost as good. My fudge mistakes have been a nice addition to my morning coffee and to brownies (well, the batch that could be salvaged!). I have learned that my candy thermometer is one notch off in temperature. I have learned wooden spoons are the best, unless you are making toffee. I have also learned you can make candy on a humid day, just use a space heater to dry out the air in the room. I am not brave enough to attempt something like divinity yet, but I am sure that day will come. Maybe next Christmas when I have someone around who actually like divinity and can tell me if it tastes right. Until then I will continue to teach myself how to make candy in hopes that I can share my knowledge with others some Saturday soon and revive candy making in my generation.

Flying Solo

On November 1, 2010, I embarked on the adventure of solo practice as an attorney. What a ride the last three months have been! Here are some of my observations.

I am incredibly grateful for the five years I spent at a firm. I learned things at the firm that I could not learn anywhere else. It was not until almost four years in that I began to question whether I had a long term future at a firm. I started realizing that the work I wanted to do and enjoyed doing was not really the type of work you typically see at a firm. However, the years at the firm taught me the type of lawyer I wanted to be. I learned how to respect other attorneys. I learned how to be friendly and that friendliness can sometimes be the best way to advocate for the client. I learned billing practices. I gained a reputation. I also discovered that I do not like the greediness that is present in litigation. I prefer to work on cases that matter more than the bottom dollar. I struggled with balancing the cases that would pay the firm's bills and the cases that I perceived as being more meaningful. I will always be grateful for the time that I spent learning how to practice law at a firm.

Working from home is a good fit for me. I like the flexibility of being able to work at my own pace without someone looking over my shoulder. I like being able to roll out of bed and go to work immediately. I like wearing what I want when I want without worrying that I am not projecting the right image. My clients often prefer the dressed down look for meetings because it is less intimidating and makes them feel comfortable. Plus, my clients do not look at what I am wearing and think that I am charging the rates I do to dress nice. When you charge someone for your time instead of a product, you have to make them think that you are worth what they are being charged instead of that you are charging a certain amount because you need to support your lifestyle. I also like meeting with clients outside of an office setting. I like being able to do laundry when I feel like it, clean when I feel like it, and not being in a rush to get home each day.

It is easier for me to achieve the right amount of balance when I am my own boss. I know when I need to take a break. I know when I need some time off. I know when I am done for the day and productivity is going to suffer. I did not feel the freedom to make those decisions when I was reporting to a boss. I did not feel as if my time was my own. I did not realize how stressed I felt working in that environment. My bosses were good bosses. I just do not perform at my best when I feel like my life is out of balance. I did not feel comfortable asking the firm to allow me to participate in Vacation Bible School at my church. I did not feel like I could ask to take off to help out the preschool director if I needed to. It was not because my bosses were unwilling to give time off. It was just the personal feeling that I was not carrying my own weight. Now I feel the freedom to be more active in community activities, church, and cases that are not about the money because my time is my own and I will not be letting anyone down. I can balance more areas of my life without feeling like others are judging me for it. And if I mess up and commit time somewhere that is not in the best interest of my business, I am the only one who suffers the consequences for the decision. I like this balance.

God calls Christians to live in the world but to not be worldly. I think that the greatest temptation in my profession is to give in to the things of the world such as money, stuff, power, and prestige. One of my greatest fears was giving in to the sin of materialism by thinking I needed to have the nicest car, house, clothes, possessions. I looked at attorneys that succeed in firms, and the nicest house, cars, power, and prestige often result from that success. But at what cost? So many of those attorneys are miserable, have horrible family lives, sacrifice their reputation, and ultimately come to the conclusion that it is not worth it. I did not want to get to my sixties or seventies and reach this conclusion. I had no desire to be the richest attorney in town or to live in the nicest house or to drive the nicest car. I only have the desire to be the best advocate for the poor, the widow, the fatherless, the oppressed - those that cannot help themselves. I want to be about reconciliation in a society that does not value reconciliation. I want to be about the gospel in a world that needs the gospel above all else. I feel like the best way for me to incorporate this into my practice is by being out on my own where I feel that freedom to share. I know that I am going to be faced with the temptation to make more money and to be the best at what I do. I believe that I can best face that temptation by reminding myself that God calls us to do justice, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with Him. That is it. If I make more, it means I need to give more. My motivation for making more should be so that I can give more.

Finally, there are a lot of things that I can live without. I am learning to live without a secretary. I think this will benefit any future secretaries because I have done the work for myself prior to them working for me. I can live without the best of the best legal research subscription. I can live without mileage reimbursement checks. I can live without a receptionist. I can live without the best letterhead, business cards, website, advertisements. I can live without the noise that comes with working in an office. I can live without the fancy office. I can live without the best and seemingly unlimited office supplies. I cannot live without a reputation. Right now all clients are as a result of word of mouth, referrals from other attorneys, or court appointments. I had to build that reputation by being nice to other attorneys and respectful of the court. I had to build that reputation by returning client's phone calls. No client is worth ruining your reputation for. Although there are plenty things I can live without, my reputation is not one of them.