Prison

One thing that hit me today as I read a letter from prison quoting Paul who wrote the verse quoted while in prison was that we benefited from Paul's imprisonment. If it were not for the imprisonments that Paul experienced, he probably would not have slowed down long enough to write letters. Paul was able to devote the time to writing letters because he had time on his hands. He was not preparing for the next sermon or dealing with church issues, but was able to devote time to the letters and to conversation with those around him at the jail. I am sure that I have heard this before in sermons, but it is something that seems to be more clear to me today.

One thing that prison gives a person time to do is think. One of the things that I think some of my boys needed was time to think. In the past when they have started thinking, they have done things to try to push out the thoughts. Although some of those things are still around in prison, they seem to be concentrating on good time more than trying to dull any pain. One of the brothers of both Guy and James are in jail right now. I heard from both this week. Their letters have a much different tone than the boys I saw before they went to jail. One thing I noticed in both - hope. They have thought about the future, and are planning for it. I think that one of them is finally ready to leave the old life completely behind. I pray that he continues toward his goals. I know that I am grateful for the words I have read this week. I am also glad that they know that there is still someone who has hope for them as well. I love my boys!

Something Changed

The biggest change I think I have experienced between Guy's murder and James' murder - I don't even care who the shooter(s) is/are or whether they are ultimately tried for the crime. It is sometimes easier to not know and not put a face on the killer. I have barely given the shooter(s) any thought except to think about how I am not thinking about them this time.

I remember telling my pastor this summer that sometimes when a family learns who committed the murder, it is more difficult to deal with the death. When a family in our church learned who the murder was of their family members, that was proven true for them. It was true for me when Guy was murdered. I hope I never learn who did it to James because of the extra layer of emotions that it causes. His death is hard enough to deal with without knowing.

Six Flags 2002

If there was one day I wish I could have captured on video so that I could watch it over and over again, it would be the day that the Center kids went to Six Flags in 2002. I remember bits and pieces of that day. I ended up with a group of four boys - I always get along with the boys better. One in my group was too short to ride many of the rides. I noticed his pouty-ness and decided I would not ride the ride if he could not ride it. I spent a lot of time with him that day. I also made the rule that we had to alternate rides between the ones he could ride and the ones he could not. My reward was some hand holding and lots of smiles. He was my buddy that day. My little sidekick. He was one sweet little boy.

Later the younger kids went back to the Center and I volunteered to stay with the teens. I assumed the older kids would not want me around. I was wrong. When they saw me they asked where I had been, and forced me to walk around riding rides with them. I say forced - I am sure I was easy to convince. One of the boys made me sit on the outside of him on a spinning ride. This resulted in him being pressed up against me for the entire ride. Another boy kept saying he felt like he was going to be sick causing me and my ride partner to laugh so hard we were almost crying. We got along that night. We were friends.

Now both of my ride buddies are gone. I said goodbye to the teenager - Guy - almost three and a half years ago. My short boy grew up - taller than me, but did not get to become a man. I will be saying goodbye to James this weekend. There is one day in my memory that unites them and it was that day at Six Flags. Sure, I remember them being around me together at other times, but this day was a special day. I am thankful for the precious memories. I am thankful for that day at Six Flags nine years ago. For the moment, it feels like it was yesterday.