Excuses, Excuses

Whenever someone finds out that the part of my job that I enjoy the most is representing children in CPS cases, I am usually met with excuse after excuse after excuse. I think I am going to do a global response to the excuses, although I usually am much more politically correct when I actually respond to the person. Here is what I really wish I could say.

(1) Excuse #1: I could never do that, it would just be too hard.

I usually say, yes, it is hard. I still feel like I should do it anyway. What I really want to say is, if you think it is hard for you, think about the child that has no one to speak for them. Think about the child that has lived it. Might it be nice for that child to know that someone felt what happened to them was wrong? Might it be nice for the child to know that it is not their fault, and might you be able to tell them that? Might it be nice for the child to see that you cared enough to get involved when their parent does not even care enough to go to a few parenting classes and drug rehab? The child is going through things that adults want to close their eyes and ears to and that the child is not able to comprehend.

The right perspective to have is that it is a hard job that we are called to do. The Bible makes it very clear that Christians are to be the voice for the fatherless, the orphan, the oppressed. There are not outs. It is what God requires. It is not my command, but God's. This does not mean that the only way to help the fatherless, orphans, oppressed is by getting involved in some capacity in CPS cases. What this does mean is that if you look at your life and cannot see a way that you are helping the orphan and fatherless, you might be sinning. Although I have great respect for Compassion (and support some children myself), I think that this means more than just sending a check to an agency to do the work for you. I think it means getting involved and speaking out on behalf of the oppressed. For me, it means being an attorney for the children (and parents). For you, it might look like getting involved in CASA, volunteering to be checked into for a respite possibility for a person who is housing a child, or looking into fostering. It might even look like stepping in to help a family BEFORE the state comes in and befriending that family. Take some time to teach someone how to parent. Is it tough? Yes. Is it worth it? Yes, if for no other reason than knowing that you are in God's will because His scripture commands it.

(2) Excuse #2: I would just worry about the children all the time and be unable to sleep at night

I have had very few sleepless nights as a result of my CPS work. Part of the reason is that by the time that the case gets to me, the children are out of danger. Yes, I have feared for the children when the judge put them back with a parent. I also have called a caseworker to move the kids because I feared for their safety. When you are in the case, if you really fear for the child, you are able to do something about it. I guarantee you that I would lose more sleep from the realization that I am not in God's will than I lose knowing I am at least trying to fulfill His will. My response is usually that I sleep just fine, you learn to shut your brain off. What I wish I could say is how are you able to sleep when you are doing nothing and this is going on all around you? You should be the one losing sleep!

(3) Excuse #3: I do not have the time

I am usually pretty blunt with this one and suggest that the person find a way to make time, whether it be by volunteering one hour a month at a local pregnancy center, a little more to be a CASA volunteer, or donating some time to a local group home. I always emphasize the giving of time more than money in that situation. See I usually know that the person who says it religiously watches American Idol or Biggest Loser or some other TV show that takes at least an hour of their time each and every week. I do not usually get this excuse from the young mother who really does not have spare time and is raising her children in the way that God lays out in Scripture and truly may be in a season where sending the Compassion money and donation checks is how she is able to contribute.

(4) Excuse #4: If I helped out other kids, it would take something away from my own

My usual response is a faked, obviously lying, "I understand." I compound sin by sinning myself. Really, I do not understand. This is the excuse that gets under my skin the most. The reason it does is because those who say it are usually the people that are idolizing their children. They do not see themselves as idolizing their children. However, they are the ones that are posting tons of pictures of their own children in the best of clothes with the best of stuff taking the best vacations and bragging about the accomplishments of the children. The children become the center of the parents' universe. The children become even more important than God, often made clear by the parent choosing the child's activities over religious upbringing. I am not saying that if a parent has a hard time feeding their own child, that they should take a foster child in. I am saying that when a parent spends all of their time and energy and money on their child instead of teaching the child to do without in service to others, there is a problem. The children often grow up selfish and conceited and do not have a concept of sacrificing for the benefit of others.

I propose that families should evaluate whether fostering and adopting might be a way to put the gospel on display for natural born children. Instead of saying that it might take something away from the natural born children, families should look at how children might learn about the gospel through the family's actions. Christians are God's children by adoption. Think about how great it might be to show children about how God adopts us through an earthly adoption. If adoption is not the route that can be pursued for various valid reasons, consider at least teaching your children about the needs of the fatherless and orphans and oppressed and let them see what you are doing to help. It does not help your children for you to shelter them or even try to, especially when you send that child to public school. Guess what. There is a pretty good chance that your child is going to school with another child who is being abused, neglected, talking about drugs, using curse words all before the child is a teenager. Your children are exposed to it day in and day out. Teach them to be part of the solution.

If your sixteen year old son is on drugs, yes, you probably need to focus on that child. If your children are babies and toddlers, you probably are right that it may not be best to foster/adopt at that time.

(5) Excuse #5: There might be something wrong with the child and I do not know if I can handle it

I usually say, you are right but there are ways provided for you to handle it. If you are a CASA volunteer who finds yourself in over your head, there are others who are more experienced that can step in. If you are a foster parent who finds yourself in over your head, there are opportunities to change the child's level of care so that they can get the help they need. If you are a prospective adoptive parent, you will have the child in your home for six months (at a minimum) before the adoption will go through. I also hate to burst your bubble, but your natural born child can reject the morals and values he/she was raised under, and break your heart too. It is part of the sacrifice you make when you start to actually love by thinking of the other person's well being before your own. You may have to make some tough decisions that may include the child being outside of your home, but in some situations you can continue a relationship with the child even when you are unable to provide the forever home.

(6) Excuse #6: That is easy for you to say, you do not have children

I usually get this one when I have accidentally lost control of my tongue and said any of the what I really want to say in #1-5. I usually respond to this one with all honesty by saying, "You are right. I realize that if God blesses me with children, I am going to have the temptations to make any of these excuses about why I should not get involved. I can only thank God now that He has made it clear to me that it is a command, not an option, and it is His will. I also have to pray that if I do have children, God will guard me from the temptation to use any of the excuses for not getting involved. I also pray that if I ever stray from God's will in this matter, someone will have the courage to point out to me my sin. I may not take it well, I may be offended, but I still hope someone will point it out to me."

(7) Excuse #7: I am not called to do that kind of work

Yes, you are ... by God ... in the Bible. You are called to do justice, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with God. You are called to help the widow, orphan, fatherless, poor and oppressed. There are no exceptions given that I have found. You want to know God's will for your life? It says it in the scriptures by the type of things we are commanded to do. Stop waiting for a direct call, and start following commandments. It is as simple as that ... and often the direct call comes from the obedience.

I fully recognize that there are other places in scripture that I am not fully following the commands that God has laid out. However, I hope that I will not use the excuse, "That is not my calling." There are exceptions in Scripture for titles, but not lifestyles of obedience. I know there are areas I need to work on. I pray that I can stop making excuses in those areas. I also pray that I can continue to follow God's will in the areas I do recognize are part of His commandments, not suggestions.

Safety First?

One of the problems with the current state of the church is that churches are obsessed with safety. Members are willing to say that they would die for Jesus, but they are not willing to do things that would put them in the position to do it, all in the name of safety. There are certain parts of town that we cannot go to, even to share the gospel, because it is not safe. We cannot continue to have our building in that location because the neighborhood has gone downhill and our cars might get broken into.

There is another aspect of safety that I think is damaging the church even worse. This is safety in relationships. You see, when you start to spend time with people and dare to love them, you are inevitably going to get hurt. You might be hurt by something that they do. You might be hurt by something that they go through. People in the church seem unwilling to let people in, to spend time with people, to make friendships at church a priority. Sure, we claim to be friends because we look at their posts on Facebook and sit with them on Sunday morning and maybe even eat lunch together, but it does not go much beyond that. We do not take each other seriously. Instead we have created this false church friendship that might bring meals when you have surgery or comment on your Facebook posts with godly encouragement, but is not willing to get down to the sinful level of your life. We might even shed a tear or two about what the other person is going through. However, we do not take the time to make a real difference in the person's life. This is all another attempt to keep ourselves safe.

I struggle with actually making relationships meaningful. I think that we do not really love each other, even in the church. If we loved each other, we would make each other a priority. We would not abandon the person going through a tough time. I see glimpses of persons in the church actually showing love, and I am encouraged by it. However, I also see so many looking out for number one and wanting praise for what they do instead of being willing to be a friend without praise and recognition. You are supposed to be a friend even when it is hard. Even when the other person screws up. Even when the other person makes the same mistake over and over and over. I think that the problem we have with friendship, even in the church, is trying to figure out what is in it for us when we do have the friend. We want the friend that is going to remember our birthday and give us encouragement and call us for lunch. We do not want the friend that is going to expect us to do those things and give nothing in return. However, we should continue to be the friend even when we are used and neglected and taken advantage of because we should be in the friendship for the benefit of the other person. Think about how different our churches would look if we started looking at our relationships in how we could benefit the other person instead of how that person can benefit you. Think about how much deeper our friendships would go. Sure, you would end up with people in your life that would use you then reject you once they feel that your use is up. But you would also find diamond in the rough friendships where you least expect it. I pray that I can become more of that type of friend that does not value my own safety, physically and emotionally, above love.

Candy Making

During the extra day off that I was able to take at Christmas, I decided to start teaching myself how to make candy. I am not talking about the chocolate you pop in the microwave, stir some nuts into, and call it candy making. Although those treats are good, there is something even better about old fashioned candy making. It is a cooking art that is going out of style in exchange for quickness and convenience.

Candy making is time consuming. It is not necessarily hard, although I have ruined a few batches of fudge and toffee. It requires patience. Lots of patience. Too much patience in the case of the unruined batch of toffee that was not according to instructions but was SO good! When you have stirred the toffee for over an hour, you begin to wonder if it is worth it. It was. When you review the instructions and see that you were not supposed to stir it and decide to take the non-stir approach, it is not worth it. It comes out too hard. I know that now.

My mom likes to tell how my grandmother and a friend would get together and make candy at Christmas time. I think that is something we are missing as a society. Since we shortcut things like baking and candy making and want to use mixes and boxes and microwaves, we miss out on the fellowship that comes along with having the patience to stir the candy. I am on a mission to bring candy making back in fashion. I am trying to recruit family members at Christmas time and even some ladies at church to make this a fellowship time. For one, the old fashioned fudge that is hard and grainy takes a lot of arm strength to stir, and I think it should be a team effort. The finished product is worth it though.

My family now has a candy maker in it. I have successfully accomplished soft toffee, fudge, chocolate mint fudge (soft), and pralines. I am trying to perfect my technique on the soft toffee and the chocolate mint fudge (and try different flavors of fudge). I have even attempted crockpot candy (still working on that one too). I feel like the product of a previous generation, one that took the time to create something great instead of buying it at the nearest store or using a shortcut for something almost as good. My fudge mistakes have been a nice addition to my morning coffee and to brownies (well, the batch that could be salvaged!). I have learned that my candy thermometer is one notch off in temperature. I have learned wooden spoons are the best, unless you are making toffee. I have also learned you can make candy on a humid day, just use a space heater to dry out the air in the room. I am not brave enough to attempt something like divinity yet, but I am sure that day will come. Maybe next Christmas when I have someone around who actually like divinity and can tell me if it tastes right. Until then I will continue to teach myself how to make candy in hopes that I can share my knowledge with others some Saturday soon and revive candy making in my generation.

Flying Solo

On November 1, 2010, I embarked on the adventure of solo practice as an attorney. What a ride the last three months have been! Here are some of my observations.

I am incredibly grateful for the five years I spent at a firm. I learned things at the firm that I could not learn anywhere else. It was not until almost four years in that I began to question whether I had a long term future at a firm. I started realizing that the work I wanted to do and enjoyed doing was not really the type of work you typically see at a firm. However, the years at the firm taught me the type of lawyer I wanted to be. I learned how to respect other attorneys. I learned how to be friendly and that friendliness can sometimes be the best way to advocate for the client. I learned billing practices. I gained a reputation. I also discovered that I do not like the greediness that is present in litigation. I prefer to work on cases that matter more than the bottom dollar. I struggled with balancing the cases that would pay the firm's bills and the cases that I perceived as being more meaningful. I will always be grateful for the time that I spent learning how to practice law at a firm.

Working from home is a good fit for me. I like the flexibility of being able to work at my own pace without someone looking over my shoulder. I like being able to roll out of bed and go to work immediately. I like wearing what I want when I want without worrying that I am not projecting the right image. My clients often prefer the dressed down look for meetings because it is less intimidating and makes them feel comfortable. Plus, my clients do not look at what I am wearing and think that I am charging the rates I do to dress nice. When you charge someone for your time instead of a product, you have to make them think that you are worth what they are being charged instead of that you are charging a certain amount because you need to support your lifestyle. I also like meeting with clients outside of an office setting. I like being able to do laundry when I feel like it, clean when I feel like it, and not being in a rush to get home each day.

It is easier for me to achieve the right amount of balance when I am my own boss. I know when I need to take a break. I know when I need some time off. I know when I am done for the day and productivity is going to suffer. I did not feel the freedom to make those decisions when I was reporting to a boss. I did not feel as if my time was my own. I did not realize how stressed I felt working in that environment. My bosses were good bosses. I just do not perform at my best when I feel like my life is out of balance. I did not feel comfortable asking the firm to allow me to participate in Vacation Bible School at my church. I did not feel like I could ask to take off to help out the preschool director if I needed to. It was not because my bosses were unwilling to give time off. It was just the personal feeling that I was not carrying my own weight. Now I feel the freedom to be more active in community activities, church, and cases that are not about the money because my time is my own and I will not be letting anyone down. I can balance more areas of my life without feeling like others are judging me for it. And if I mess up and commit time somewhere that is not in the best interest of my business, I am the only one who suffers the consequences for the decision. I like this balance.

God calls Christians to live in the world but to not be worldly. I think that the greatest temptation in my profession is to give in to the things of the world such as money, stuff, power, and prestige. One of my greatest fears was giving in to the sin of materialism by thinking I needed to have the nicest car, house, clothes, possessions. I looked at attorneys that succeed in firms, and the nicest house, cars, power, and prestige often result from that success. But at what cost? So many of those attorneys are miserable, have horrible family lives, sacrifice their reputation, and ultimately come to the conclusion that it is not worth it. I did not want to get to my sixties or seventies and reach this conclusion. I had no desire to be the richest attorney in town or to live in the nicest house or to drive the nicest car. I only have the desire to be the best advocate for the poor, the widow, the fatherless, the oppressed - those that cannot help themselves. I want to be about reconciliation in a society that does not value reconciliation. I want to be about the gospel in a world that needs the gospel above all else. I feel like the best way for me to incorporate this into my practice is by being out on my own where I feel that freedom to share. I know that I am going to be faced with the temptation to make more money and to be the best at what I do. I believe that I can best face that temptation by reminding myself that God calls us to do justice, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with Him. That is it. If I make more, it means I need to give more. My motivation for making more should be so that I can give more.

Finally, there are a lot of things that I can live without. I am learning to live without a secretary. I think this will benefit any future secretaries because I have done the work for myself prior to them working for me. I can live without the best of the best legal research subscription. I can live without mileage reimbursement checks. I can live without a receptionist. I can live without the best letterhead, business cards, website, advertisements. I can live without the noise that comes with working in an office. I can live without the fancy office. I can live without the best and seemingly unlimited office supplies. I cannot live without a reputation. Right now all clients are as a result of word of mouth, referrals from other attorneys, or court appointments. I had to build that reputation by being nice to other attorneys and respectful of the court. I had to build that reputation by returning client's phone calls. No client is worth ruining your reputation for. Although there are plenty things I can live without, my reputation is not one of them.

Texas Bowl 2010

Baylor went to a bowl game for the first time since the early-90s. I always said while I was at Baylor that I would support their football program. Life happens, and living several hours away has made it very difficult to keep supporting the program. My "support" usually is watching the two games that play on Fox Sports Southwest each year and following the scores on my ESPN app. This year was no different. I always said that I would attend a bowl game if they ever made it to one. With the decision to become self-employed, it looked like that would not happen either. My brother decided that since Baylor made it to a bowl game, and since the bowl game was in Houston and therefore within a reasonable distance that I could attend, he would get me tickets. Plus, he would allow me to take his wife with me since she had never been to a Baylor game (or a Division 1 college game for that matter) and she and I had never been able to spend one on one time with each other for an extended period of time getting to know each other.

Despite the final score, we had a blast! I introduced Amy to Ninfas, a Baylor tradition that fortunately extends to Houston. My brother bought tickets that were just a few rows up on the 50 yard line! Because of this I was able to capture some cool pictures even with my less than professional camera.

Driving Sin

I am a sinful driver. One of the side effects of being self-employed is that I now spend more time in a car. I like driving. I like the time to myself that it gives me as I think on life, pray, sing, listen to books on tape, or practice what I am going to say. God has used this time to point out some sins that I need to work on. One sin caught me off guard.

Integrity is firm adherence to a moral code or a state of being undivided. I have heard it explained that integrity is acting the same way in a group of people that you would in a room by yourself. There are not many people in this world who have this value. For me, as you can see from yesterday's post, I have been thinking quite a bit on what it looks like to love enemies (and friends). I have also been thinking about the quality of humility. One day as I was thinking on these things, I noticed that my driving was sinful because it was not exhibiting love or humility. I am a selfish driver.

I noticed this when someone else was a selfish driver. It is often so easy to point out the sins in others, but we often can recognize our own sin by seeing the sins of others. Someone cut me off. I was delayed probably less than two seconds as I had to slow down then pass the driver that decided that he should pull out in front of me. I was annoyed. The thought that popped into my head is "What makes him think that his time is more important than mine?" The wheels in my head started turning. I often do just that. I pull out in front of someone because I am valuing my time more than their time. I am showing a lack of respect for the person I am pulling out in front of or cutting off or running through a yellow/red light. If I want to be a person of integrity that values loving people and humility, I am going to have to start in my driving. There is no recognition for being a respectful driver. The other driver is not going to know that I am making a conscience decision to be respectful of his/her time. The other driver is not going to realize that I am valuing their time more than mine. I have decided that this is a good test of integrity for me. Plus, I fail at this test of integrity each and every time I am on the road. Old habits are hard to break. I am constantly having to pray that God will make me more respectful of other drivers by bringing this to mind. There is nothing more humbling than realizing that you are not a person of integrity because you fail to put the morals and values you claim to practice when no one is looking.

I pledge to make a conscience effort to be a more loving driver on the road. I pledge to try not to value my time above the time of the other drivers. I know I will fail at this almost daily causing me to realize my need for a Savior. I confess that for years I did not realize how sinful my driving was. It scares me to think that there are other areas of my life as simple as driving where I am unconscious of the sin. Because of this I am more thankful of God's grace and conviction as the little sins come to light to be dealt with.