Prison

One thing that hit me today as I read a letter from prison quoting Paul who wrote the verse quoted while in prison was that we benefited from Paul's imprisonment. If it were not for the imprisonments that Paul experienced, he probably would not have slowed down long enough to write letters. Paul was able to devote the time to writing letters because he had time on his hands. He was not preparing for the next sermon or dealing with church issues, but was able to devote time to the letters and to conversation with those around him at the jail. I am sure that I have heard this before in sermons, but it is something that seems to be more clear to me today.

One thing that prison gives a person time to do is think. One of the things that I think some of my boys needed was time to think. In the past when they have started thinking, they have done things to try to push out the thoughts. Although some of those things are still around in prison, they seem to be concentrating on good time more than trying to dull any pain. One of the brothers of both Guy and James are in jail right now. I heard from both this week. Their letters have a much different tone than the boys I saw before they went to jail. One thing I noticed in both - hope. They have thought about the future, and are planning for it. I think that one of them is finally ready to leave the old life completely behind. I pray that he continues toward his goals. I know that I am grateful for the words I have read this week. I am also glad that they know that there is still someone who has hope for them as well. I love my boys!

Something Changed

The biggest change I think I have experienced between Guy's murder and James' murder - I don't even care who the shooter(s) is/are or whether they are ultimately tried for the crime. It is sometimes easier to not know and not put a face on the killer. I have barely given the shooter(s) any thought except to think about how I am not thinking about them this time.

I remember telling my pastor this summer that sometimes when a family learns who committed the murder, it is more difficult to deal with the death. When a family in our church learned who the murder was of their family members, that was proven true for them. It was true for me when Guy was murdered. I hope I never learn who did it to James because of the extra layer of emotions that it causes. His death is hard enough to deal with without knowing.

Six Flags 2002

If there was one day I wish I could have captured on video so that I could watch it over and over again, it would be the day that the Center kids went to Six Flags in 2002. I remember bits and pieces of that day. I ended up with a group of four boys - I always get along with the boys better. One in my group was too short to ride many of the rides. I noticed his pouty-ness and decided I would not ride the ride if he could not ride it. I spent a lot of time with him that day. I also made the rule that we had to alternate rides between the ones he could ride and the ones he could not. My reward was some hand holding and lots of smiles. He was my buddy that day. My little sidekick. He was one sweet little boy.

Later the younger kids went back to the Center and I volunteered to stay with the teens. I assumed the older kids would not want me around. I was wrong. When they saw me they asked where I had been, and forced me to walk around riding rides with them. I say forced - I am sure I was easy to convince. One of the boys made me sit on the outside of him on a spinning ride. This resulted in him being pressed up against me for the entire ride. Another boy kept saying he felt like he was going to be sick causing me and my ride partner to laugh so hard we were almost crying. We got along that night. We were friends.

Now both of my ride buddies are gone. I said goodbye to the teenager - Guy - almost three and a half years ago. My short boy grew up - taller than me, but did not get to become a man. I will be saying goodbye to James this weekend. There is one day in my memory that unites them and it was that day at Six Flags. Sure, I remember them being around me together at other times, but this day was a special day. I am thankful for the precious memories. I am thankful for that day at Six Flags nine years ago. For the moment, it feels like it was yesterday.

James Wells

May 1, 1994 - August 26, 2011

The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord. Job 1:21b

Camelbak Water Bottle

I am not an environmentally concerned person. I am not one to really worry about the amount of trash I have. I do not recycle regularly even though that is available here. However, since becoming self-employed, I realized I was going through WAY too many bottles of water. While at the firm, I had a seemingly unlimited supply of cold water that claimed to be spring water and had very little taste. I do not like the taste of the tap water here so I became a bottled water addict once I entered the world of self-employment. I began to notice that I had too many water bottles everywhere waiting for the next trash day or recycling, and I would refrain from drinking water just because I did not want to throw away more bottles.

One day while shopping Target I ran across this water bottle:



I bought it on a whim, and I have been pleased with the purchase ever since. Due to its price and the price of the filters, I don't think it is cheaper (or it will take a while for it to be cheaper) than bottled water. However, I have noticed my water consumption returning to the pre-self-employment levels. The water tastes filtered coming from the bottle. The bottle is a convenient size. The filters supposedly last three months, and my experience has been that it was pretty close to the three month range before the taste suffered, and I think I used the first filter exactly three months (bought in late March/early April and changed in July). The filter system is easy to use. I have carried this bottle on trips, to camp, and all over the house. It is definitely a good alternative to drinking lots of bottled water. I still keep bottled water around for guests or to make Crystal Light since it is the act of using the straw to take a drink that filters the water. Additionally, the Camelbak, since it is a filter, is not made for flavored drinks, just water. Overall if you are a water drinker, I highly recommend this water bottle. I think it is worth the price for a single person drinking 3-4 bottles of water every day.

*The picture is a link to the Amazon listing for this water bottle. I bought mine at Target for a little bit more than this one, but I did not have to wait for it to ship. Also, my bottle is the charcoal bottle instead of like the one in the picture.

Homemade Refried Black Beans

I am a huge fan of black beans. I put them in almost everything. Today I decided to make refried beans with a can of black beans I had. All you have to do is mash them up and season them, right? Actually, yes that is all it took, and they tasted better than what you get out of a can!

Ingredients

1/4 an onion, chopped
1-2 teaspoons of garlic
1 can of black beans, mostly drained
1/2 small can of chiles
2 tablespoons chili powder
1-2 tablespoons cumin
1/2 teaspoon cayenne
Salt
Freshly ground pepper

Instructions

Spray pan with generous amount of cooking spray. Heat on medium and add onion and garlic to the pan cooking until the onions are softened. Push the onions to the side of the pan and add a spoonful of black beans. Let the beans sizzle for a few seconds, then mash with a potato masher. Stir together with the onions, push to the side, and repeat until all the beans have been added. Add the chiles and send through the masher again. Add the spices, simmer, then serve.

I don't really measure my spices, so these measurements are a suggestion. They are the approximate amounts that I used, and my beans were good and spicy. If you have a sensitive tongue, you may want to cut down on the chili powder and chile peppers. If you can take the heat, add the whole can. The nice thing about homemade refried beans is that the spices and the taste are up to you.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Signature Meatloaf

Meatloaf may be the ultimate comfort food. Having a meatloaf recipe to fall back on is almost as important as having a stocked spice pantry ... or toilet paper in the bathroom. I am exaggerating a little, although for someone like me who loves meatloaf, but is also picky about the taste of it, it is pretty close. I have worked and worked on creating a meatloaf recipe that I could remember without a recipe and could make regularly without worrying about how it is going to taste. I have looked at many different meatloaf recipes, and I finally decided that the recipes are just inspiration instead of to be followed exactly. Saturday I finally came up with something that is quite possibly the best meatloaf I have ever tasted. Meatloaf is one of those things that you might think your recipe is the best, but someone else may not share your opinion because taste in meatloaf is so personal. Gather a group of moms together to share their recipes, and you will probably discover the same number of recipes as the number of persons present.

Here is my signature meatloaf recipe:

1 lb ground turkey
2 lbs extra lean ground pork
1 small onion, chopped
1 can of Italian bread crumbs
1 lb (minus a little) shredded cheddar cheese
1-1/2 cups of ketchup (eyeballed instead of measured)
3/4 of a small can of sundried tomato pesto (but save the rest)
1 small can of tomato paste
1 onion, sliced

Combine the first 7 ingredients in the same way you always do when you make a meatloaf. The longer you work with it, the better it combines. Plus, no matter how nasty it is, you really do need to use your hands. Form into a loaf. Meanwhile, put a layer of onions in the bottom of the pan/crockpot for the meat to lay on (to keep the bottom from burning and to soak up the cheese and meat grease). Put the loaf on the bed of onions, and place some slices at the edges too if the loaf is leaning on any edges. Cook like you would any meatloaf (3-4 hours on high in the crockpot). Combine the remaining tomato pesto with the tomato paste and spread on the loaf halfway through cooking (or at the beginning if you like it burnt). Cook until the middle is 165 degrees so you can eat it cold the next day (you know you like cold meatloaf almost as much as you like warm meatloaf).

I do not know if it was the ground pork or the Italian spices that sent this meatloaf over the top for me. Maybe it was the cheese. I am thinking about using Italian cheeses the next time I make it to see if it tastes good that way too. However, it was perfect made this way ... for me at least. I am so happy to have found my signature meatloaf! Feel free to try my recipe and mix it up. Make it your own. Get to work on your signature meatloaf recipe!

Things I never thought I would say or do as a lawyer

I may or may not have recently told a client that donating plasma is a great way to raise money to buy a bus pass so that transportation would no longer be an issue. And to donate around court time so that a taxi could be hired.

I may or may not have recently said to a judge, "Please don't tell me that my client tried to use a whizzinator!" Judge's response, "Well, close. They made their own." [If you look up whizzinator, beware - don't say I didn't warn you! I first learned about these in a drug education course, so someone else had already looked it up!]

I may or may not have recently said that I was not going to starve no matter how good the person's case was just because they could not pay me the low price I was asking.

I may or may not have recently argued custody of a dog in a CPS case ... and won. Even worse, the parent was more upset that the custody of the dog was decided than that the temporary custody of the children was decided.

I may or may not have recently attempted 16 hearings in two counties on the same day. Although I prepared for 16, I ended up handling only 12 in two counties on the same day. Still an exhausting day!

I may or may not have recently decided to take a nap during the middle of the day, resulting in the need to work until 8 or 9 that night. Self-employment rocks!

Dealing with the Pro Se Opponent

While at the firm, I ran across pro se litigants very rarely, in part because I was not doing as much family law. Now I am running into more and more pro se parties on the other side. I think there are certain rules that need to be communicated to those who want to have themselves for a client:

(1) Rule #1: Do not expect everyone else to do your work for you. It is your job to draft, your job to read what is sent, your job to understand it. If it has legalese in it, go look it up in a legal dictionary. If it quotes a statute, go look it up because most statutes are online for free. If you are not going to hire an attorney, you need to be prepared to put in the work that an attorney would put in because no one is going to do the work for you.

(2) Rule #2: Opposing counsel is not there to do you favors. Just because you think the outcome is wrong does not mean you should call the attorney on the other side and try to change their minds. In fact, the outcome was probably pretty favorable to the attorney's client, and it would be malpractice for the attorney to suddenly take your side. It is the Court you have to convince, not opposing counsel.

(3) Rule #3: Do not call during the height of your emotional outburst. You are not thinking rationally, so it is impossible for the attorney to communicate with you. I get that you are mad, feel like the system failed, feel that Goliath beat David, feel that I used my influence to push things through, but there is nothing I am going to do about it. In fact most of the time opposing counsel will start trying to use a rational argument with the pro se litigant, then give up and resort to either yelling or silence. Silence is my tactic of choice.

(4) Rule #4: Do not lie about something that can be independently verified. Attorneys specialize in paperwork. Chances are the attorney has the paperwork to prove that you are lying. It is also quite possible that the attorney has the credibility with the Court necessary to just show the paperwork.

(5) Rule #5: Read what you sign. You cannot use the defense, "well s/he told me that signing this would make such and such occur." Have you ever considered that the person giving you this advice is going up against you in the matter?

(6) Rule #6: Stop quoting this mysterious "lawyer" who is supposedly reading the paperwork and giving you advice. For one, this person rarely exists. Making up a "lawyer" is not going to cause the lawyer to start questioning his or her capability on a case. If the person does exist, they are probably giving free advice and therefore, not that great of advice. Just because a person has a JD after their name does not mean that they know all the nuances of the area of law you are asking them about. Bankruptcies attorneys may know nothing about family law except what they learned in law school 20 years ago and vice versa. (Same thing goes for doctors too!) Also, if you are not paying them for research, they probably are not researching your issue to find out if what you are saying is correct. Finally, they probably have not heard the whole story because that would probably take a minimum of an hour to tell, and most of us are too busy to give an hour. When you quote the mysterious "lawyer," this is what I am thinking and I am sure other attorneys are thinking the same thing.

(7) Rule #7: Come to Court. I follow the rule that even if a waiver is signed, I give notice of hearings. I also, when the person is not represented by an attorney, try to make that waiver as favorable to the pro se litigant as possible. Why? Because the pro se person never comes to Court, and is always unhappy with what the judge decides because they were not their to tell their side. The State of Texas tells me that when you sign a waiver, I provide you notice, you do not agree with the proposed order, and you do not show, then I can proceed and my client is going to be able to talk about whatever s/he wants to talk about which may or may not result in an order that is less favorable to you than the one I sent to you. The main place this comes up is child support. If there is no agreement, there is going to be child support entered because I am not going to present the evidence as to why child support should not be entered. Doing so might result in my client having a complaint against me, and I am there to represent my client. This can all be avoided if the pro se litigant would just show up to Court.

(8) Rule #8: Dress appropriately. If you are representing yourself, it is probably smart to dress the part. A suit is a good idea. Caring enough to wear a suit gives the appearance of preparation even if you do not know what you are doing. This goes even for clients who are represented by counsel because club attire is not appropriate for Court. Also, undergarments should be worn to Court.

(9) Rule #9: Do not talk back to the Court. It is amazing how disrespectful some pro se litigants are towards the Court. The person in the black robe is not like your mother and father who you could run all over. S/He is not like your teacher at school who was confined to certain discipline methods. S/He can throw you in jail. S/He can take away your access to your children. S/He can fine you money. You had better be nice to the Court!

(10) Rule #10: Since you are not my client, I do not have to talk to you every time you call. This may be more of a personal rule than an across the board rule. I try to be respectful and call you back, but when the conversations are not productive, cost my client money, and start numbering three to four a day, I am going to start ignoring one or two of them. You can correspond with me in writing if you want to get your point across because thirty minutes of ranting or arguing just waste my time. My duty is not to you.

I understand that lawyers are pricey. I truly believe that a citizen can go into court and represent themselves if they are willing to put the time and effort into being an expert on their case. It is probably more advisable to have a lawyer because the law is technical. There is a reason that I had to go to extra school and pay thousands of dollars. If you make the choice to represent yourself, understand that legal work is time consuming and requires research and paperwork. Be willing to put forth the effort so that you are respectful of the Court and opposing counsel. The statutes can be found for free on the Internet so start with those instead of a general legal help site that is not state specific. Whatever you do, if you are going to say that opposing counsel or the Court is wrong, be ready to back it up with statute or evidence following the correct procedure instead of complaining once the order is complete. These are just a few tips for those brave enough to represent themselves so that they do not also represent a fool.

Being Sensitive to Suffering

I have clearly seen throughout my adult life how God usually prepares us to go through the things we go through. I feel like God gives us little warnings before the unexpected happens. Maybe it is more of a benefit of a life of discipline. When we are disciplined enough to be faithful to the study of God's word, we can find ourselves prepared.

I have been going through a 2 Thessalonian precept study. I did not really want to do 2 Thessalonian this spring, but I feel that when the opportunity presents itself, and there are no other ministries that take priority over a Bible study, you should do it. This week's study was over the first chapter. One of the insights I had while studying the first chapter, reading verses on suffering and affliction, and looking up the Greek definitions of the words is that suffering is much deeper than just suffering ridicule for the sake of the gospel. It comes from Christians and non-Christians alike when you are being obedient to God's word. You will take actions that no one understands when you are being obedient. Part of obedience is getting involved in people's lives to the point that when they suffer, you suffer with them. We limit suffering for the sake of the gospel when I think it is a little broader when we are loving our neighbor and getting involved in their lives.

For example, Jesus befriended Mary, Martha and Lazarus. He was involved in their lives. Lazarus got sick and died, and Jesus suffered. He was grieved by the pain of His friends Mary and Martha even though He knew that God would be glorified in Lazarus' resurrection in the end. He was sensitive to their suffering even though He knew the outcome. He ministered to them in their grief. He went through this grief for the sake of the gospel. Ultimately God was glorified.

Yesterday, I received news that my little guy in New Orleans lost almost everything in a fire that completely destroyed their apartment. By completely, I mean that no possession other than a few shoes in the back of the closet seem recognizable. Even though I knew that God would provide for them and that things will probably be better for them in the end, there is still a sensitivity to their suffering that must be shown. It breaks my heart to think of some of the things that they have lost. Some of it can sort of be replaced such as pictures because I have most of the pictures anyway and clothes and toys and books, but there are also those things that cannot be replaced. When you get caught up in someone's life, you have to be willing to suffer with them. You have to be ready to sacrifice something of yourself. You have to be ready to grieve. Even though no one ridiculed my faith or held a gun to my head, I believe that it was a day of suffering for the gospel. If I did not love my little guy and his mother, I would have just thought it was a sad situation, but not allowed it to disrupt my life. Instead, so that God may be glorified, I allowed myself to suffer with them. I could show them love through actions, not just words of comfort. Even better, not too long after I received news of the fire, I received an e-mail from a friend I have not heard from in months on the subject of suffering. God is so good to us!